SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Pink Scarves & TV Stars

I haven’t been to Pink in weeks. I was under the impression that I’d actually kicked my Thursday night addiction, yet somehow got dragged there (I blame the wine at dinner) for Wilhelmina’s Modeling Agency’s 40th Anniversary after party last night. The first thing I noticed as I approached the 27th street strip of debauchery [...]

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Thirsty Thursday

Looking dapper young man, now where is Eduardo to get me another sassafrass on the rocks There is nothing I like more then a good ol’ Thursday night happy hour….of course there is a good old fashioned spanking, but that is a whole other column altogether. Thursday may just be the perfect night to go out [...]

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Solution Blonde

It’s not unlikely that around this time of year you may start to feel those cursed A, B, C, Ds: Alone Bothered Confused and Depressed. The winter work crunch is on, the carefree days of summer are a distant memory and to make it all worse you have the elves, wreathes, shiny holiday bells and obnoxious carols to remind you [...]

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Why I hate Philadelphia, US Airways and Hot Pockets

I was delayed on a flight out before Christmas during 2005 and then had layover in Philadelphia. When the plane finally boarded, we sat on the runway for an hour before the pilot came on with an overhead announcement “As some of you folks may be aware of, our flight crew is going to be [...]

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The Best Clubs in Every City in the World

Yes, the title says it all. I figured since many of us may be traveling for the upcoming winter holidays, it was time to unveil my dirty secret project: A comprehensive list of all the best nightclubs in every city in the world, expertly compiled by the jetsetters who frequent them. Some things to keep in [...]

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Model Behavior’s Quote of the Month

I was recently at a friend’s post-scavenger hunt birthday dinner, a party concept so genius that I’m displaying a section of the invite here: You knew this day would come and now its here. You finally get to show your love and support of the world’s biggest tourist - . Starting 2PM Saturday afternoon, [...]

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Hate Mail to the Bachelor

Dear Brad, As Bettina and her family pointed out, you lack any sort of formal college education, so this concept may be hard for you to get your head around: People don’t watch reality TV to see reality. See, we’re all already dating guys who say stuff to us like, “You posses every single quality I’m looking for [...]

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Kill Me Karaoke Videos

Karaoke rarely sounds good, but it’s usually not this bad. You guessed it. This time around at Cipriani’s Upstairs’ weekly Sunday night shit-faced singing shebang I had the genius to videotape what was going on. I wanted visual and auditory proof of the ridiculousness because I don’t feel anyone who reads this blog can fully understand [...]

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Bad Dates and Good Advice

So I get emails from readers regarding things they have seen, heard or done that reminds them of me. Normally these emails I receive consist of bad-date stories, random musings and penis enlargements… As far as the last topic goes all I have to say is; HotAss69, how DO you know me so well? One of [...]

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Sloppy with a capital ‘S’

My girl Bartok’s in town and after our group of friends consumed half a liter of sake and two bottles of champagne, our evening was off to a promising start. Around 2 A.M., after we all got bored of watching YouTube videos while inebriating ourselves, we decided it might be appropriate to detach our asses [...]

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