SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Last week we addressed a male reader question about why women are so “complicated,” so I only thought it fair that this week we hear what a lady has to say:

Dear MB –

Two and a half months ago a guy, I’ll call him G, started pursuing me non-stop. I never dug him, but he was such a relentless ‘hunter’ that somewhere six weeks in, I started to get into it. I slowly let myself admit to liking him back and things seemed really good. Now he’s completely ignoring me. After such a long courtship / pursuit?!??! What gives? Isn’t this just mean?

Well, sounds like you got your feelings hurt.

Getting your feelings hurt is sort of like the guaranteed bench time in the vicious game of tackle football which is relationships. It appears to me that you scored yourself an IMOP.

An Insecure Man On the Prowl.

This is an especially dangerously species of man beast since their need to hunt you can easily be misinterpreted as genuine affection.

Here’s my theory:

Only incredibly insecure men hunt women they’re not interested in. The men I’ve met that are into this whole ‘game’ mentality of wining you, dining you, achieving you, and ditching you are the guys that need to win women in order to feel good about themselves. They’re addicted to the score. And it’s always been my personal interpretation that these guys have the self-esteem of a garden slug.

Why use the conquering of another random human being to make you feel manly or cool or worthwhile? What a waste of everyone’s New York minute.

My message to the IMOPs out there and your message to G, if he ever phones you again which he probably won’t, is “Get a hobby!”

A hobby besides hunting hunnies.

Men who are really good at something in and out of the office don’t have time to go on a lot of romantic rabbit chases. They already know they’re worthwhile. These fellows already feel good about themselves because they’re the best downhill skier out of their friends, the number one wake boarder in the state, a marathon runner, or the innovator of a genius entrepreneurial idea.

What truly talented or successful man, who’s created a life he’s invigorated by, has the time or volition to make women he’s not even that interested in fall for him for sport? A guy who’s confident and at one with himself doesn’t need that kind of random ego boost. I guess that means most of us aren’t confident or at one with ourselves, because women are equally guilty of using men for self-esteeming pumping purposes.

Sad story.

But I do want to tell all the IMOPs out there that they’d really benefit from putting their time and energy elsewhere. Like I once said to my friend the Argentine:

“If you put one tenth of the energy you dedicate to seducing women into some sort of business venture, you’d be a millionaire twice over by now.”

Because here’s the thing that I think so many men miss:

Scoring babes isn’t an accomplishment. Every woman in the planet is a sitting duck waiting to be seduced. We’re anticipating the arrival of our White Knight and we’ll work hard to manipulate ourselves into thinking it’s you.

When you think of it this way, what IMOPs are doing really isn’t that impressive or difficult. You might have to work a little to figure out what to do and say to make a woman let her guard down and incorrectly trust you, but I equate this to learning how to drive a stick shift car. It’s rough your first few times behind the wheel and exhilarating as you learn the gears, the clutch and how much pressure to apply at once, but once you’ve got it – you’ve got it. There’s really nothing impressive about doing you errands driving a stick car once you’ve learned how. Just like there’s really nothing that impressive about scoring dozens of women once you’ve mastered the general art of seduction.

So the point of talking about the IMOP in relation to our reader question is that yes, I agree it’s “just mean,” but don’t beat yourself up over it feeling bad. You did nothing wrong except respond to an IMOPs advances with what appears cautiousness (good!), optimism and sincerity.

What more could you have done? You don’t own a crystal ball! You had reason to believe this person was really into because of the extend time and extra effort he put in. This time around you were wrong. Next time, I hope you won’t be. What’s important is that you had the self-confidence to really put yourself out there. Spineless G probably can’t even imagine what it’s like to have the guts the do something like that.