Today I woke up legitimately fatigued. Every bone in my body felt like it’d been broken and loosely put back together. I felt like I’d gone through some sort of human paper shredder, survived a journey through a juicer. Then I realized why: I’m jogging through that home stretch in the marathon that is New York City summer.
That’s right. Summer’s almost over, and I paradoxically want to shout:
“Thank God! Get me a wheel chair!”
Because it’s been a death marathon of fun.
As a child, you took summer for granted. Days blended into one another. Games of tag took place around long naps in the grass. People put your sunscreen on for you. The discipline required in school was a distant moment. Everything was relaxing. Even mosquito bites weren’t that bad.
Switch gears to being an adult in New York. You know better than to think that the warm months and your expensive share house will last forever. You therefore become obsessed with sucking every possible ounce of fun out of your fleeting summer experience. This becomes a Nazi-like mission, and the strict discipline that’s required in the office is necessary to make it happen. Example:
Organization – Where are you going for the weekend? Hamptons, Jersey Shore, Upstate or the Cape? At which house? With which friends? How are you going to get there? How will you arrange transport? Who’s going to volunteer weekend-long sobriety and drive?
Will Power – Sleeping in on weekends during the rest of the year makes sense. In the summer, you’re wasting a beautiful day. Get up! Make a mimosa! Get yourself to the beach you paid to be 10 minutes from!
Stamina – Summer’s the only season in which it’s socially acceptable to be drinking throughout the entire day. Finish that Corona Light! Don’t let your afternoon BBQ make you too tired for tonight’s party. Soon we’ll all be sitting on our radiators wearing snowsuits unable to leave our apartments because of the cold. Slip into your summer sandals and start dancing STAT!
Cunning – Ever heard the phrase ‘autumn fling’ or ‘winter fling?’
NO!
You’ve only got summer to fling with as many people as possible. Not taking full advantage of the season of quick love would be a crime! So what if your dating schedule during the week is more complex than your Outlook calendar at work? Who cares if your weekends away involve intricate spreadsheet plottings on how to spend time / avoid your current flames? These are the months of romance.
Crisis Management – Someone puked in your pool (again)? Jacuzzi’s out of steam? There’s a hole in your share house wall where two people crashed into one another in an intense game of wheeling bumper chairs? Noise complaints? Visits from the cops? Friends needing bail for DUIs? So many Mountain Dews in your back yard that you need to hire workmen to remove them from your premises?
Unbridled summer fun has outrageous consequences. There’s no rest for the weary.
In an attempt to get the most we can out of summer, we often find ourselves physically and mentally run into the ground. Labor Day weekend equals the final hurrah.
Anyone who’s still standing, make plans and enjoy.
August 28th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Whew! Just reading this list made me tired. I’m only in my 20s and I already feel like I don’t have the stamina to properly enjoy summer like I used to. For instance, if I start drinking in the afternoon, I’m ready for bed at about 9 p.m. It’s very sad and a bit embarrassing.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Simply awesome. You hit the nail on the head. If you’d have included a Beer Olympics reference in your post, I might have had to leave work early and head to the bar in honor. Kinda makes me pity myself and the rest of us down here on the coast of NC as we have to hold out just a little bit longer in the year with the constant hedonism due to the lower latitudes/warmer weather. Have no fear though, as we all know that “because it’s summer” gives way to two more reasons for everyone to drink all day: it’s the END of summer and that means it’s football season!