Trapped in the Closet

OH MY GOD. What am I going to WEAR for New Years?!?! I love an excuse to wear something completely ridiculous, probably impractical. I’m really drawn to the trends that turn a practical piece of clothing or an accessory into something completely useless. My three favorite items rendered useless/impractical by fashion: 1) Headbands Well, yes, the [...]

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Top Ten Relationships Better Left in 2008

1. Any kind of MP3 player that is not an Apple. 2. That guy you run into with a puzzled look on your face, (because you still can’t remember how or why you met) who you enjoy calling while wasted post 3 am. Delete that number. 3. [...]

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Kim’s Dictionary…(also known as) Phrases You Need To Know For The SAT’s

Tyrannosaurus (Verb)- For those of you that remember specific scenes in Jurassic Park (as I do), you will know that it is scientifically proven that if you don’t move, a dinosaur can’t see you…. The same applies to creepy men…if they come to dance with you and you stop moving and stand completely still, they [...]

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The Whys Of Life

-Why must the sweater I am wearing be so damn itchy it feels like I got attached by an actual giant chicken pox? -Why must the girl at the gym who is 40 (dresses like she is 20) work so hard on her hot body… when in reality she should be working hard on her busted face? -Why is [...]

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Day 1 in Miami: Vita

Day 1 in Miami. We arrive at the Dildo Island house, run around, and eat a fake pre-dinner to make sure we don’t get too hungry for our 9:30pm real dinner. We have a reservation for fifteen friends at hotspot restaurant Vita. I say ‘hotspot’ because this is what I’ve been told. Let’s keep in [...]

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MTA: Doing less, while charging you more

What do you think of my new slogan for the MTA? Much more fitting than “Going Your Way,” don’t you think? In case my fellow NYC commuters haven’t yet heard, the cost of public transportation will most certainly increase again in June, which also happens to be the month I was born in, so happy birthday [...]

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Live from Spirit Flight 206 to Miami

Every winter around this time a mass exodus occurs. New Yorkers fly away in packs because five months of consecutive winter is just too much for anyone spoiled enough to live in the Big Apple to bear. The destination? Always somewhere warm, except for those NYC crazies obsessed with skiing, snowshoeing, and vacations in Aspen. Last year, I [...]

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Deep Thoughts by Subway Gal

Today, as I struggled to pull on the jeans that Santa brought me, I wondered how the hell the jeans that fit me like a dream when I tried them on in the store last month could be causing me such trouble now. Could it be the pint of frozen yogurt I inhaled last night? [...]

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Stoliday Party

Last week, I started the holiday season off right by going to the Stoli Holiday Party at Cain-Luxe, the new Cain. I’d never been to Cain before, new or old. So, when Miss Model Behavior offered me her invite to the event, I beat down the little loser inside of me whining, “but Stylista is [...]

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A Tiny Update

Things I would rather be doing than my laundry right now:   Shoot small kittens in a back alley congregated by nuns.   Perform my own oral surgery using a hammer and utility tweezers.    Have sex with someone with a tiny penis         …actually, no, I take that last one back.        

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