I was complaining to my boyfriend this evening that we don’t go out enough and I, in turn, don’t drink enough. “I know,” he explained, “I do this on purpose. I keep you in so that I can keep you ‘contained’.” I was (not at all) surprised to learn that he thought I had a problem with alcohol. The problem, as he believes it to be, is that it can sometimes usually turn me into an angry lunatic. He thinks the main culprit is liquor, specifically, tequila. I’m not sure I agree with him. Let’s examine the facts and let you be the judge.
- On New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago, I poured my drink on a random girl standing close by because I thought she pushed me. I wound up breaking her phone in the drink-pouring process. She had in fact not been the one who had pushed me. The girl was about to kick my ass, so my boyfriend lied and said I was pushed and accidentally spilled my drink.
- A few months ago (before the election) I was at a bar with a friend of mine after work where we engaged in light conversation with a duo of ugly guys. It was mildly amusing and we got some free drinks out of it. The booze flowed and the conversation turned to politics. Apparently, these men were Republicans. My friend and I are Democrats. The conversation became heated and next thing you know, I was throwing my drink at one of the guys. And he threw one back at me! So I threw another (my friend’s). It was at this point that we all left the bar. I chased the guy down the street and weakly punched him in the face. I came home in tears and picked a fight with my boyfriend for not caring that I was assaulted earlier that evening. I refused to discuss the situation, too traumatized to relive it. My boyfriend feared the worst. Well, imagine his relief when he later learned what really happened. He thinks I overreacted. I think that’s debatable.
- In college, one night at a bar, I was talking to my ex and some girl came up and told me to leave him alone. Fists were thrown.
- At a bar one night, I had a drink in my hand and was holding the door open for the girl in back of me who had two drinks and after she walked through the door, she didn’t hold it open with her back and she let the door (It was a swinging door) hit me, thereby knocking my drink all over me. And I had somewhere to be after that! In turn, I took what was left of my drink and dumped it on her head.
- This past summer, I was in a bar with my boyfriend and his brother when a girl bumped me hard in the back, supposedly by accident. In response, I turned to punch her, but my boyfriend and his brother were able to stop me. My boyfriend then scolded me for overreacting and I got angry with him for not having my back and told him that she really hurt me because she hit me in the back and I used to have a bad back injury from my cheerleading days (total lie).
And the list goes on, and on and on. And on. But booze and whatnot has clouded my memory over the years and I can’t think of any other stories right now. But I will. And I will surely be reminded of them if anyone who knows me reads this post. And when I am reminded of those HIGH-larious stories, I will share them with you. In the meantime, what’s your best irrational/angry/sad drunk story???
Oh, and if you’re wondering why I have a picture of Dave Chappelle acting as Rick James it’s because this is the first thing that popped up when I typed, “crazy drunk lunatic” into Google images. And you all know how much I love this skit.
December 11th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Once when I was at a bar in my neighborhood that has scantily-clad male dancers (but no nudeness), I pulled one of the dancer’s underwear ALL.THE WAY. DOWN. The bar seriously got dead silent, the music turned off, and they escorted me out. I was so embarrassed once the tequila had worn off the next morning, because I’m really never one to do things like this. And that was the LAST time I ever had tequila.
December 11th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I may have flashed a few people here and there over the years, but I’ve never (at least, not that I can recall) been daring enough to de-robe someone else. Very risque, very funny. Thanks for sharing, Abe!
December 11th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
This blog totally cracked me up. I wish I had some hilarious drinking stories but I was always a spectator. I did some embarrassing drunk dialing in my day - but thankfully I’m over that. My husband used to bounce at a bar and it would freak me out when a fight broke out that he had to break up. I didn’t want anyone hurting his face
But can’t think of anything exciting that I was involved in. Man! That’s depressing!
December 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Trust me, Brandie, being a spectator is definitely NOT a bad thing. One of my best friends isn’t a big drinker and in turn is able to tell me all about the stupid stuff I did when I was drunk. Also, after a night out, his reputation remains intact, while mine may end up on shaky ground.
And don’t even get me started on drunk dialing stories. Maybe that will be a post for another day because I used to be the queen of drunk dialing in college. Ahhhhhh memories . . .
December 11th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
one time in college i was at a frat party. and this girl who i kinda knew kinda fell down some steps right at my feet. and when she got up (i don’t remember if i helped her), she had a phone and was shoving it at me like “make the call, sam.” she implored me to help with a phone call some more, but i still don’t know who i was supposed to be calling. anyway, i wonder whatever happened to that drunken little girl.
December 11th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Wow, Sam, this girl sure sounds like a raving lunatic. I hope you’re not still friends with her!