SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

I’ll fess up to it. The glittering ‘FABulousness’ of Miami isn’t really what I wanted to do for New Year’s. I’m apparently going through something my friends now call “my hippie phase” which in short means I no longer dress like I’m going to diva-walk down a high fashion runway when I go out (probably a good thing), no longer drink, and would rather experiment with meditation than new venues in the Meatpacking District.

So while Miami was great, the whole time, part of me wished I was in some sort of stark monastery, or at one of those retreats where no one’s allowed to talk to anyone else, or oh… I don’t know, on a mountain.

Luckily, enlightenment in the form of culinary ecstasy still managed to find me.

On night number three in Miami, after a day of intense drinking and boating that left the majority of our crew incapacitated in bed by eight o’clock, I ate dinner at the Delano.

Quick fill in for those who don’t know, the Delano is an oceanfront hotel in South Beach which suspiciously resembles Heaven. I’m actually surprised God’s lawyers haven’t sued. Everything is white and billowy ascending on the vertical. Marble floors glitter all the way towards the outdoor pool. In fact, if it weren’t for the numerous billiard tables and rapper TI (soon to prison inmate) and his entourage eating dinner in the corner, I would’ve fully expected angels in my deceased grandmother to welcome me into their bosom at any moment.

At the Delano restaurant called the Blue Door (I feel like one of the top five gourmet restaurants in every city in the world is called the Blue something – no points for creativity there) my best friend and I shared an entrée. The consumption of this entrée was like a spiritual conversion with one’s taste buds as the medium. I’ve seen God, thanks to the Lobster Banana. The entrée description:

Roasted maine lobster with raisins, onions, lime, and cilantro, with caramelized banana and bokchoy

I love lobster. I sort of like banana. Would it ever occur to me, even in my most tripped out culinary fantasies, to somehow combine the two? Absolutely not.

Now this meal of all meals was the precursor to my New Year’s Eve. I have strong feelings about New Year’s Eve, just like I have strong feelings about every holiday in general, that it’s over rated and should be well…eliminated. Click here to continue reading