I watch The Bachelor. And I like it. I like it so much that I even stay up late after going out to hip NYC venues to ingest all two hours of its melodramatic rose giving.
What’s wrong with me?
I’ve blogged about The Bachelor before, specifically about doody Italian Prince Lorenzo (who didn’t even speak Italian, WTF? He was from Jersey!) and my methodically composed hate letter to bachelor Brad, the prick who refused to pick a young woman to spend ‘forever’ with after dragging America through twenty four hours of television (plus commercials). Yet I think why the show’s really gotten to me in this past year is because some rightfully over-paid exec at ABC had the genius idea of bringing the humiliated individual the Bachelor or Bachelorette rejected the previous season back as the chooser, letting the last standing wooer become the wooed.
After aforementioned asshole Brad began proposing to the final contestant DeAnna, only to change his mind before fully opening the ring box, ABC had DeAnna come on as the Bachelorette. Seeing the girl who got her heart stabbed live on national television now in seat of power being courted by 25 hot guys was just too fun not to TiVo. I think I also enjoyed the season since being the Bachelorette is, well, my fantasy.
In the end, DiAnna had to choose between professional snowboarding weirdo Jesse and this sweet, single dad from Seattle named Jason. She obvi went with the guy who didn’t have the baggage of a Baby Bjorn plus kid, but apparently women from all over the world thought Jason was an understanding superman and began writing in to ABC that they wanted to mend Jason’s broken heart.
So ABC got Jason a personal trainer, expensive dental work, and a really great tan and he is now The Bachelor. And I’m really into it. I’m less into Jason being this amazing good guy and more into one of the women courting him named Stephanie.
Stephanie’s a Southern belle whose “prince of a man” husband died in a plane crash and left her with a ten month old daughter who’s now four or something, around the same age as Jason’s son.
Hello?!
Perfect.
As a viewer and someone who theorizes and writes about relationships at least once a week I feel 100% confident in stating that these two are ‘meant to be.’ I’m convinced Jason and Stephanie should end up together. Or maybe I’m just convinced that Stephanie should meet me and teach me how to be impeccably polished, kind and warm-hearted like her. She’s just so…mature and makes every other contestant on the show look like a college sorority girl too stupid to unload a dishwasher let alone become a wife and mom.
She already is a mom!
She knows pain!
Her skin’s immaculate and she was once a ballet teacher!
Need I say more?
I love this woman, and am now primarily watching the show to ensure Jason realizes that Stephanie is his destiny.
If he doesn’t, I may throw grapes at my plasma again and my Bachelor obsession may end.
Actually, that may be a good thing.
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March 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
[...] I’ve confessed that I watch The Bachelor. Not my finest moment, but at least I was honest. There’s something about the idea of witnessing [...]
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