Definition: Metrosexual is a neologism of the 2000s generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or whose lifestyles display attributes stereotypically attributed to gay men.
And I think it’s gotten out of control.
There are less men on the east coast than the west in general. Many in New York actually are gay. Those that are straight know the city’s gender imbalance as well as Manhattan’s overpopulation of lady models works in their favor and are therefore players, or worse, players disguised as normal guys. In this grim situation, I now have to eliminate another pie slice from our ‘Available Men Chart’ and that pie slice is called ‘Metrosexuals Gone Mad.’
Tell me: The whole metro thing – is it hot or not?
I have a girlfriend who says she likes her men, “Just straight enough to sleep with me.” She enjoys that fact that her guy wants to discuss Austin novels, research shrimp recipes, watch Top Chef, and shop for leather dress belts with antique buckles. She even gets off on guys carrying tote bags and talking to her about how they want to ‘redefine their life.’
I, on the other hand, find all the aforementioned activities the attraction equivalent of nails on a blackboard. I’m attracted to a man because he’s (shocker!) manly. He doesn’t have his own custom dance moves, mix his own hair products, own fur, or notice that my highlights are growing out. He’s too busy being an emotionally unavailable caveman. He does things like playing paintball with his dog, walking around with a club (or tools), working out on non-tight clothes, burping and eating hot dogs.
I find testosterone to be a turn on.
Primitive? Probably.
And it’s a problem since I find it hard to get my mojo going for the more emotionally available metro guys who’d probably be stellar boyfriend material. Somehow the fact that they’re so much like me becomes a turn off. It’s like magnets. They don’t zoom and stick together unless it’s a negative and positive. I’m recalling 6th grade science here, but I think that’s what constitutes an electric magnetic field and by result, attraction. So if he suggests shopping for custom shoes or attending a pilates dance seminar with me – that’s bad and potentially damaging to our bedroom time.
This me got thinking about whether it’s the ‘we have stuff in common’ friendship or this primitive ‘opposites attract’ sexual tension that keeps couples together? Which is truly the glue? The physical or the intellectual? Both are emotional.
Stayed tuned for that conversation later in the week. In the meantime, leave your thoughts about metrosexuals and the women who date them below.
February 4th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
I’m totally with you lady. Guys who willingly go shopping with me? Not interested. Guys that spend more time getting ready than I do? Total turn off.
To be fair though, NYC allows guys to get in touch with their feminine side. It’s socially accepted for guys to buy American Apparel V Necks … and when that attracts come-ons from other guys, it’s considered to be a compliment.
But as a result when you live in such a culture - burly, hairy, decade-old t-shirt-and-jeans only men = all kinds of attractive.
February 4th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
I agree that “metro” has gotten outta control. And there’s more to it than that…
What is the female opposite of your caveman…a submissive, mannered, high maintenance barbie doll? How about the combo of spine and heart in a man…that’s what I strive to be…what is the female opposite of that? Maybe you have an article/post about what a new-age woman is…I’d like to read it.
To be fair to men, there aren’t many role models in current times. And I think men are confused with the confusion that women have about themselves and what they want in a man. What do models respond most to…the modern player (metro or not) or the archaic caveman (blue collar or white)?
February 4th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
I love how good looking and fit metrosexuals are, but I do not enjoy their tight clothes and love of fashion and hair products. That, for me, is the turn-off. I’m with you, MMB, I loooove the testosterone!!
February 4th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
I must say, I like the tight clothes
February 4th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Straight guy here: I like my pants loose where I need it, and shirts to fit my form but not so freakin’ tight that you could count my ribs if I was skinny enough for that. I have long hair that I take care of but I don’t pamper myself. I treat women well. I like to think I’m a mix of what is good. But what do I know? I’m just a guy
Check out my link and maybe it’ll make a little more sense. Or maybe it won’t. I think this was a good article and that SelfAbsorbed has the right idea for what a guy should be like…almost 
February 4th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Hey MMB
I’m a guy and after reading your article I only just realized how metro sexual I am!
Do you find metro sexual guys a turn off in the perspective of their grooming/style
OR
The ways in their habits? Would actually like to know this.
Would you consider a man asking you how a certain hair style or an item of clothing would look on him, to be a ‘metro sexual gone mad’??
February 4th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
‘Emotionally unavailable cavemen’ are effin’ sexy. I coincedentally just realized that this weekend. As a 20 year old former art student, I’ve gone through my fair share of metrosexual love interests. There were some good times. Making out in dressing rooms, and getting some good quality shopping done is awesome. Cuddling, and criticizing girls on ANTM is great. But nothing compares to being picked up and kissed against a wall. And that cozy dainty feeling you get hugging someone with manly-I-might-work-out-like-twice-a-week muscles. And I never knew I liked chest hair…
I am contemplating cutting-ties with my metro guyfriends/boyfriend-lites. Although Mr. Manly hasn’t called, it’s been two days. And my standbys are already texting possible-plans for the weekend. Sigh. I’m looking forward to the next post.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
These comments are awesome
Now I really have to write the second part of this post.
@Joe - the female equivelent — interesting. I will do a post on this…
@Wayland - I WILL check you out
@Age - UM, both. And to fully answer your question, if a man asks me how a certain hair style or an item of clothing looks on him, I wouldn’t consider him a ‘metro sexual gone mad,’ but he would probably be a metrosexual I don’t want to date. Manly men don’t notice the difference between all their manly clothes and are waaay too confident (or oblivious) to even know that some of their clothes look better or worse on them than others.
@Alice - LOVE you!
February 4th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
MMB, I just looked at the link to my profile and realized that it doesn’t really tell you anything about me. Even looking at it, it seems my page should be called SelfAbsorbedMe. But that’s what MyFace, FaceSpace, MyBook, (whatever) is all about. Simply put. I’m a simple guy with my focus on a future career in athletic training. I don’t know why I felt the need to come back and tell you this but maybe it’s important…somehow. I’m laughing at myself. Have a good night.
February 5th, 2009 at 2:31 am
Hey, great post!
Here’s a thought. What if a guy had the ability to display both caveman, alpha male type characteristics and with a bit of metro-sexual thrown in for good measure? eg being able to talk about his emotions and stuff like that.
Would that make him attractive for you and, at the same time, potential boyfriend material?
I make the comment because I noticed all the posts so far have been focusing on being one or the other rather than having the flexibility to do both.
I’ve also noticed that guys who are very good with women tend to display both characteristics. think George Clooney…now i know it’s maybe not a fair example given that he is a mega celebrity but he displays both characteristics. He has the alpha side and also, at the same time, has a little bit of metro in him as well…
Really interested to know what you think…
February 5th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Truth be told we have seen a paradigm shift in society where men be more sensetive than women today! Men would rather stay home all day and women would rather run the country!
It was bound to happen sooner later, just like Obama being elected president!
Embrace it and enjoy the surprise when your man takes you by the shoulders and shoves your ass against a brick wall while waiting for a cab, allowing you to be ravished ravished over again until you decide to wake up the next morning at 2pm and repeat, but not before he brushes his teeth takes off his mask wash his butthole and drops the kids off!
http://unadater.com
February 5th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
@Steven - you know, I have to think MORE about the proper answer to this question. My first instinct is to say “men like that don’t exist - no guy has the perfect balance and if he did, he’d be taken SO fast.” Yet I also think guys with the ability to be both caveman and metro are usually players, just because they’re so good with women. They’ve mastered the balance, and therefore go wild since they’re the best at making women feel great. So the guys that have mastered it are usually our enemy. Sad story.
@UnaDater - You’re alive! Are you blogging again?
February 5th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
hey
Thanks for the response to my question, Miss MB!
I always thought asking for an opinion on what would look good on me was like masculine thing to do!
I can also see, how its affected my friendship with a close girlfriend of mine!
BUT how wrong was I! I take it, a manly man has complete self confidence of him self and is oblivious to things around them as you put it!
Great response and you have given me a wake up call to stop being soo metrosexual!
Thanks
February 5th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
It’s interesting to flip the genders around with this question.
Am I more into women who are wear casual, unfancy clothes and who like watching football, or women who are always dressed in a feminine way and who enjoy reading and shopping? I find myself attracted to both types. In fact, a lot of women are both types simultaneously: one day they can enjoy sports and dress in sweatpants, and the next they’re dressed in something frilly and want to go shopping. They have more than one way of being, and they might actually be sexier because of that.
What puts me off are extremes in either direction: the woman who dresses indifferently and who always wears short hair because “it’s easier to take care of”, and the woman who is never less than fashion-perfect and says she hates camping because there’s no place to wash her hair.
I wonder: do women who say they want a man who’s always ultra-masculine
ever think about whether or not they are always ultra-feminine?
February 6th, 2009 at 3:26 am
When doing your research, I’d also be interested in finding out if the girls who like their guys metro also end up marrying them or staying long-term. I’ve noticed a lot girls like metro BF’s because it’s like having a female friend…but in the end they’ll stay with the caveman.
I imagine a balance of the two is probably the healthiest?
February 6th, 2009 at 10:09 am
@Kurt - great question! I never think about this. But such issues are kinda of explored in my ’shut and be feminine’ articles, parts 1 and 2 http://www.selfabsorbed.me/shut-up-be-feminine/
@Zanther - who knows why anyone actually ever gets crazy enough to marry…but I’ll keep this research idea in mind…