SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

So by now you’ve probably all surmised that I’m a bit of a basketcase. In fact, you’re probably wondering how I manage to hold down a job, a boyfriend and care for two adorable cats. Well, I’ll tell you all my secret for making it appear like I am keeping it all together, with a smile nonetheless, even when I’m really not. The secret is . . . . faking it. Now, I understand that most women have already perfected the art of faking it in bed, but you can use those skills beyond the bedroom and apply them to your everyday life. This works for both guys and girls.

Remember when your boss scolded you, in front of other colleagues, because you didn’t give him/her a draft of that super-important document by yesterday’s agreed upon deadline, even though you actually gave it to him last week? Well, instead of getting all riled up and telling him he’s an idiot who, if he had read his e-mail, would see that you did send that proposal way ahead of his/her ridiculous deadline, try a softer approach. Instead, tell him/her that you actually did send that proposal to him/her last week but since he’s/she’s so important and busy, it probably got lost in his/her e-mail and you’re happy to resend if he/she would like. This way you not only cover your butt, but you also boost your boss’ self esteem a bit, which you know he/she loves, and show that no one is really at fault, even though your boss really was. Your boss will appreciate this gesture, and will likely apologize to you for the confusion.

It’s Friday at five at the office and you’re getting ready to pack it in and forget your troubles at happy hour, when all of a sudden you get a call from your client asking you to put together a document that you know will take you at least another hour or two to do. You don’t want to upset your client and put your job in jeopardy, but those half-priced margaritas are calling your name. What to do? Tell your client that normally you would happily do this for him/her, but your great aunt suddenly passed away the other day and you need to drive to (insert random state here) to go attend the wake and funeral, and ask if it’s possible for this assignment to wait until Monday morning. Chances are that yes, the document can wait and your client will totally understand. Or, the assignment will get passed along to your co-worker. Either way, you are free to escape to Margaritaville.

This “faking it” skill works outside of the office too, and you can even apply it to your everyday interactions with friends and family. We all experience those inevitable calls from mom or grandma asking us why we haven’t called in a while and that they miss us etc. etc. Well, instead of putting the call straight to voicemail, or answering and telling mom or grandma that the phone works both ways and if they missed you so much they should have called sooner, try approaching the situation a different way. Tell mom or grandma that you feel terrible for not calling sooner, but work has been really busy and stressful lately and by the time you get home all you have time for is a quick dinner and then it’s straight to bed. For extra effect you may want to try crying. This will not only get you off the hook, but it may even get you some money or other nice surprise in the mail. CHA CHING!

So next time you get flustered, or annoyed, or outraged with a situation, take a step back and think about how you can “fake it” to make the situation work to your advantage. This will save you for uncessary stress and an extra Xanax that you would have otherwise taken to calm your nerves.