We got a friendly shout out from The Social Man today and I wanted to share this video they created about why a guy might not call you back after a date. I also happened to like the soundtrack. Check it out:
My synopsis of what they covered:
1. If you like him, touch him (on the forearm during conversation is always a good place to start). Use sustained eye contact and body language make it 100% clear that you like him. Believe it or not, men actually find us (the crazies) intimidating.
2. Set and keep firm boundaries. Never sharing a cab at the end of the night is a good place to start. As is never letting him up to your apartment. As is waiting a LONG time to sleep with him. (OK, I added that part in there, but I vote wait!)
3. Open up. If your conversation’s as uncomfortable as a trip to the dentist, you’re not going to be hearing from him again.
4. Don’t make up dumb dating rules like, “I don’t xx or yy,” just be busy and have your own life. Hopefully, this isn’t something you have to fake.
If you did all the aforementioned things and didn’t fall into any other major pitfalls (like farting, revealing you still sleep with your Beanie Baby collection or discussing your unborn children’s names) and he still didn’t call you back, he’s probably just not that into you. If you’re sure he was, keep in mind, men are insane.
This has inspired me to write a sister post entitled Why She Didn’t Call You Back in which I’ll divulge why ladies often vanish into the land of lost dates. Gentlemen, look for that soon and ladies, I’ll be wanting you all to add in your two cents.
Photo Credit: Deviant Art
February 25th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I want to add my own rule: If it turns out you don’t see the date going anywhere/probably not going to see each other again, you might as well still screw him if he’s hot.
February 25th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
You know I have to say something about the “wait a LONG time to sleep with him” comment, and not just for my guys.
When we talk about “dumb dating rules” that includes when you sleep with a guy. In fact, in the two long term relationships I’ve actually had in my life, we started getting sexual very early into knowing each other.
When you sleep with a guy will have very little effect on whether or not he’ll call you back and in some cases, it may hurt you- and no, not because guys are assholes.
First, let’s rule out the assholes. Some guys will sleep with a girl and never call them again. I agree, they’re dicks, and insecure dicks because they’re not sleeping with women they really like, but rather just doing it to make themselves feel good. Women do this too… they suck.
So these guys won’t call you after you sleep with them, or just get bored with you if you don’t and stop calling you. Some guys are like this- just like some girls are like this. You may just want a hot sexual night and these guys may be great for this. that’s fine- enjoy the night, just don’t expect his heart.
But let’s talk about guys who aren’t dicks. We said in the video that it’s a good thing to build a guys interest a bit. But when you wait a LONG time to sleep with him, what does that say? Women want sex just as badly as men do, we all know that, and if a girl is hesitant to sleep with him it starts to reek of one thing- insecurity.
Maybe the guy doesn’t deserve her security, that’s fine- but generally if a girl has some arbitrary rule about when to sleep with a guy it says a number of things. It says, “I like sex but I’m afraid if I sleep with him he’ll never call me again”. It says, “I’m uncomfortable with my own sexuality”. It says, “I’m afraid that if I sleep with him I’ll go all crazy and drive him away”.
Now maybe these are real concerns for you. If that’s the case then you may not be in the place you should be before undertaking a healthy relationship. If it’s not the case, you can see why sending a guy these signals would be a terrible turnoff.
It’s not the act of sleeping with a guy or not that determines whether a guy will call you or not, it’s WHY you’re sleeping with him. Are you trying to get him to like you more? Are you trying to get him to commit to you? These are bad reasons to sleep with a guy and it’s likely the insecurities will show through and turn him off.
Are you attracted to him and want to enjoy some sexual activity with him? As long as he’s not a dick, he’ll probably call you back.
As mentioned in the video, it’s good to build up some sexy anticipation so you can both enjoy the sex more, but waiting too long can start sending the wrong signals that can sabotage you anyway.
The solution: Build some anticipation to make the sex more anticipated and hotter- but don’t follow any “rules” that can possibly create walls between the two of you and go with how you feel. Will you run into dicks that make you regret it? Yes, but you’ll learn to avoid those types of guys in the future unless you’re looking for some hot sex and ultimately you’ll be much more open, honest, and comfortable with yourself when you do find an amazing man.
February 25th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Whenever I read articles about a guy not calling back, it still hurts.
I don’t take rejection that well, and no matter how many books I read to rationalize that ‘he’s just not that into me’ or actually seeing myself on screen waiting for the phone to ring….it still doesn’t make it any easier the next time I’m trying to use my magical power to get a guy to dial my number.
Oh wait, we have cell phone now. Just click, damn it!