Today the dudes at the Social Man talked about what a lady should do if her best friend is a guy but she wants something more with him (i.e. boyfriend). This reminded me of the ‘Window of Opportunity’ concept I explored last year in which I asked at what point ‘getting to know you time’ with someone of the opposite sex morphs into ‘just friends?’ and if you could you miss your romantic window.
In the Social Man’s premise, the romantic window was already missed (for whatever reason) and their friend Diana felt like she was in the ‘just friends’ category with her man and wanted out of it. Yet in the situation the Social Men discuss, it’s obvious that this girl Diana’s best guy friend likes her back. Everyone’s just sick with shyness (lame).
For most women in this situation, I’m sure the more pressing question is: If he likes me as more than a friend, why didn’t he make a move right off the bat? If a man’s a hunter and goes after what he wants if he’s attracted to it, he’s obviously not attracted to me – we’re just friends. Where, why and how did we miss our romantic window?
These questions makes the Guy Friend to Boyfriend equation impossible to calculate because why you missed your romantic window is 100% circumstantial. You’ll never know if it was
a) He’s just not attracted to you and likes you better as a friend
OR
b) He is attracted to you but external factors at the time kept him away (he was married, you had a boyfriend, he was in a body cast, you considered him gross back then, he was dating your best friend…the list goes on and on)
If it’s a) you’re out of luck. If it’s b) you could have a shot assuming circumstances have changed. In the interim however, he may have stopped seeing you as sexy and started seeing you like a sister. And then I guess some guys are just truly shy, but no one pull out this ‘not wanting to ruin the friendship’ crap. If you’re as close friends as you say you are, you’d be able to kiss and just laugh it off if it was super weird or uncomfortable. If you feel weird and uncomfortable (because you just realized your best friend doesn’t have the hots for you), I get it. That’s a pride thing though not an ‘I don’t want to ruin my friendship’ thing. So don’t confess your feelings to your best friend unless you think YOU can carry on normally if they don’t give you the answer you were hoping for.
In making your best guy friend your boyfriend I see only three tactics:
1. Confess your feelings in a mature way
Upside: This is mature
Downside: It’s scary as Hell. Watch out for the aforementioned pride thing.
2. Get drunk and hook up
Upside: It’s easy and all you need is a handle of vodka
Downside: Neither of you might remember it
3. Be the last woman standing. Help him through all the break ups, heartbreak and life turmoil. Then when the fog of everyone else clears and there’s no one else around but you he’ll think, ‘wow, you’re still here,’ and hopefully realize that means something.
Upside: You keep you pride and dignity intact
Downside: This could take FOREVER (literally)
Basically it’s a lose-lose scenario all around which is why I try to make sure I never miss the romantic window with someone I’m interested in and try to make it super clear we’re ‘just friends’ with the guys I am interested in as friends.
Be sure to check out the Social Man’s video below:
March 25th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
MMB… as usual, thanks for the post!
As far as your solutions go, I see no downside to #2.
All joking aside, I mean that for real!
March 25th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
No. 2 has always been my personal favorite. Not that it ever led to anything special or long-term, but it was a lot of fun
March 26th, 2009 at 9:19 am
She could always trap him into a relationship with sex. If he has no other options he’ll probably fall hard and fast.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I’m sure that relationship will be a long and healthy one and he’d never have a wandering eye. Go Rules!!!