SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Earlier this evening, I was having a totally normal conversation with Boyfriend about how quickly I’d be out there at all my old favorite bars slutting it up if we were to break up. To which he replied, “Right because that’s going to get a guy to marry you. Guys don’t marry drunk sluts that they find in bars.” Touche Boyfriend. I had to admit, he did have a point . . . . or did he? Call me crazy but isn’t Jenna Jameson, a porn star (sluttiest of them all) and in a committed relationship with two baby boys? Ok, so she’s not exactly married, but she’s in a committed relationship.

Besides, if the universe didn’t intend for men and women to use bars as hunting grounds, why do they exist? As a place for people to drink alcohol? Please. People can drink in the comfort of their homes without having to go through all the effort of showering and putting on clothes, or paying too much money for a small amount of cheap vodka.

I remember right before I started college when my mom told me that I’d probably find my husband in college. She also told me not to have sex until marriage. My mom, she says some pretty crazy things sometimes. I did not meet my husband in college. In fact, Boyfriend and I met when we worked for the same company (in different divisions and on different floors) and had a big company party, which consisted of a booze cruise around New York Harbor. And we didn’t wait until marriage to have sex, but we didn’t do it the first night either. We did it on the second. Point is we’re a long-term (mostly) happy couple. Granted, we’re still not married, but I definitely think, for Boyfriend’s sake, that we are headed there very, very soon. Anyway,  moral of this story is that we met when we were drunk on a floating bar and we are still together.

And it’s not just us. A good friend of mine who is getting married this month met her Irish fiance in a bar one night and he wound up moving to the U.S. permanently for her. And I’m pretty sure they haven’t been waiting for the wedding night to have sex either. See? Sometimes late-night bar encounters do in fact lead to wedded bliss.

Sometimes, a one-night-stand with a total stranger after one too many vodka-and-Sprites at the bar, will go further than the morning after. It may lead to several real dates. And then it might even progress to boyfriend/girlfriend status. And then, possibly marriage! It can happen. I gave you proof of it. There’s no reason to feel slutty and ashamed for meeting a man you like at a bar, having sex with him, and hoping for a quick engagement. You might feel a little stalkerish, but not slutty and ashamed, because it can happen!

So listen up all you slutty teenagers and young adults out there. No matter what mom and/or dad may say, you may meet a man (or woman) in a bar, and you may display some slutty behavior towards him (or her), and he (or she) may resent you for it the next morning, or he (or she) may ending up eventually asking you for your hand in marriage. Dream big boys and girls. Dream big.