SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Please.

Ralph,

I recognize that you are an iconic designer, not me; and that your experience in this industry by far surpasses mine; but I have some questions.

1. When was the last time you saw “glamorous metallic stretch denim”? Tell the truth.

2. We all work hard all year at Pilates and the gym in order to wear white jeans, and now you’re throwing gold + metallic into the mix? My sympathy goes out to the girl with a subsequent eating disorder who pulls this off. Not even your model’s selling these pants to me, and it is a personal aspiration of mine (specifically, although not limited to, when sitting at my desk at work perusing your online catalogue) to be one of your models. In all my office time fantasies of being tall, beautiful, and getting paid to show other girls how your clothes should be worn, have gold metallic skinny jeans EVER entered into the picture.

3. I recognize that these jeans have made it to the sale pile, but I imagine that someone somewhere has purchased them. Could you tell me who? If I had to, I would probably guess that the stripper demographic is probably a large component of this product’s purchasers. What’s that, Ralph? Strippers don’t wear your clothes? Your designs imply otherwise.

Wouldn’t you think that in a time in which there is less stability and less cash flow, there might also be less fashion forwardness? Au Contraire. I guess it’s all about your audience and what do I know, maybe the stripping industry is going strong.