SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Earlier this evening, as I listened to “Dead and Gone” by T.I. and J.T. for like the millionth time because I luuuurve that song, I thought about how the old me was now dead and gone. Well, ok, that may be just a tad over-the-top, but you know what I mean. I was reflecting on how I have evolved over the years, thereby losing older versions of me in the process.

For instance, the me 10 years ago is much different from the me I am today, I think. At 16, I was still a virgin to sex and alcohol, basking in the spotlight at my “Sweet Sixteen” party, wearing a-cup bras, crushing on/stalking many boys in high school, and I was blond. I was also full of hope and ambition. At this point in my education, I was visiting colleges and trying to figure out where I would apply to so that I could work towards my journalism degree and land my first job at a glossy women’s magazine. I was really eager to live away from home, meet new people (I was so over my high-school friends) and try new experiences (i.e. boys and booze)

Now let’s look back five years from now. I’m a senior at college who has since changed her major to public relations, after realizing a career in journalism usually doesn’t pay shit. At this point in time I was back to my brown roots (with blond highlights), and I had many interesting experiences, drank lots of booze, and increased my number of sexual partners from one to . . . mmmmm maybe some things are better kept secret. I was obsessed with my ex-boyfriend, who I dated for all of five minutes freshman year of college,  and was  starting bar fights left-and-right because I had mean-alcoholic tendencies. I was also involved in an internship in the city at a mid-sized PR firm.  I loved my internship. I became the ultimate over-achiever. I also hooked up with one of the guys who worked there, who had an on-again-off-again girlfriend, but that’s another story for another day. Oh, I couldn’t wait to start working. I was determined that my work would be my life. And that prospect was really exciting to me. At this point in my life I was naive. I also think I thought I was invincible. I was convinced that if I tried hard enough to get something, I could get it. And honestly, I usually did.

Today’s me is a different woman from the two I just described. Well, sorta. For starters, the bar fights are a thing of the past (2 “incident-free” nights out in a row and going strong!), and I’ve stopped obsessing about my ex and have been in a committed, stable, relationship for the past two-and-a-half years. My hair is now a very lovely dark shade of brown (no blond whatsoever). I’ve also stopped loving my job. In fact, I spend day-after-day just trying to put up with my job. I dream of an early retirement, or boyfriend getting a high-paying job that allows me to never have to work again. I’m so over the working thing already. I’ve also stopped believing that I could get anything I wanted just by trying, because I learned that certainly wasn’t true, as my ring finger is currently naked and I haven’t won the lotto. Yet.

So this makes me wonder, have I been losing pieces of myself over the years, or have I just evolved into a (hopefully) slightly-better version of myself. And when will this evolution stop? Ever? Are we always becoming better verions of ourselves? What do YOU think???