SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Earlier this evening, my brother came over and dropped off a letter addressed to me that was mailed to my parents’ house. It was a letter from my high school reunion committee (who knew such a thing existed?) inviting me to my 10-year high school reunion that will take place in about a year-and-a-half. Thanks for the super-advanced notice, I guess.

High school reunion. Hm. You see, it’s just that ummm I’m not exactly ready to deal with this. High school is over. It’s a thing of my past and quite frankly, I don’t feel the need go back there. It’s not like high school was a particularly bad time for me,  it’s just that it wasn’t such a magical time that I feel the need to relive it with a bunch of people I haven’t spoken to since graduation day.

I already know what I’ll see if I go. I’ll see some overweight versions of the teenage kids I used to go to school with. I’ll probably also see a large number of McDonald’s managers and bartenders and grad students, which we all know is a fancy term for people who have no idea what they want to do with their lives so they decide to hide behind school for an extra four years until they can figure it out. But I’ll also see some happily married couples and pregnant bellies and there will likely bee a few crying babies and/or screaming toddlers running around. And when I make polite conversation with these people, I’ll be forced to smile and pretend to care and I might even ask a few questions to feign interest. And then I’ll proudly show off my handsome boyfriend and brag about my great job at a hot-shot PR firm in the city, and not mention that it drives me absolutely crazy most days. But underneath this phony facade, I’m secretly laughing at you if your still living at home and managing the local Target, or I’m secretly cursing you and thinking that I’m much more deserving of your super-hot, semi-successful husband and super-cute baby girl.

And after the awkward mingling phase at the beginning of the evening has ended and it’s time to take our seats for dinner, where the hell will I sit? Alone? Hellllllll no, because that would be awkward and embarrassing because yes, I do still care about silly things like how I would look to a room of strangers if spotted sitting at a table alone with my boyfriend. Should I sit with my old BFFs? I could, except I that I haven’t spoken to any of them since we started to drift apart junior year of high school. How about my old prom date? We were close for a few years after college, but I think the last time we spoke was about three years ago. That might be awkward. Wait! I know, I’ll go sit with my old cheerleading teammates! We had a few good times together. Sure, I didn’t really go to any of the cheerleading/football parties on the weekends because I’m the oldest child in my family and my parents were way too strict me with (not bitter at all, by the way), but we shared many laughs and tears over the years. I admit that I was a bit offended when I got my copy of the yearbook senior year and saw that the group photo of the senior cheerleaders included everyone except me, but I chalked it up to accidental error and have since tried to move on.

So you see, there really is no reason for me to go to my high school reunion, is there? Except for the obvious reason that I would have a really good time with Boyfriend making ourselves feel better about ourselves as we observed how badly people have aged over the years. I know my mom, being the nosy little woman that she is (that’s where I get it from), would tell me to go for my own curiosity to see what everyone has been up to over the years, but I just don’t think I’m going to do it.

What do you think? Did you go to your high school reunion? Will you go??