Yesterday evening while I was at the gym workin the ole hamstrings, a random man came over to me and asked if I’d been to a certain cafe in the area. No, I had not been to said cafe, but, as it turns out, a girl who looks just like me had! Yes, it seems he had spotted my look-alike. Oooooo how funny. We shared a chuckle, and that should have been the end of our interaction, but it wasn’t.

As it turns out, he had diarrhea of the mouth and would not stop talking to me about everything and anything - late-night workouts, the great shopping in the area, the weather, etc. Even as I continued on with my sets on the machine, he continued. When I finally moved machines he seemed to get the hint and we parted ways. However, a few minutes later, he found me lifting my hardcore 10 lb weights, came over and asked me if I wanted to go get coffee with him after my workout. What was this? I assumed, obviously incorrectly, that with his tight tank top, full head of thick hair and outgoing, sorta-feminine and flamboyant personality, he was for sure not straight. Plus, he really just looked gay. Perhaps he was just a chubby metrosexual? I thanked him for the offer and assured him that had it not been for Boyfriend who was at home preparing dinner for me, I would definitely take him up on his offer (no f*cking way!)

The more I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe he really was gay after all and he just wanted to be BFFs with me. Maybe he was just an extremely forward gay man looking for someone to love him. Or, maybe he was a straight, metrosexual man who was drawn to me after having spotted me at the gym rocking a ponytail and reeking of BO. I may never know.

When I arrived back at the apartment later that night after abs class, I recounted this tale to Boyfriend so that he would be jealous that a man, no matter if he was straight or gay, wanted me. But after hearing the tale, Boyfriend came up with a new scenario - what if this man from the gym didn’t want me as his hag, or his girlfriend, and instead wanted to kidnap me and sell me into the sex trade industry like in the movie “Taken” that we had recently watched together. Omigod I hadn’t thought of that! A slight panic came over me as I, being the drama-queen supreme that I am, realized how lucky I was to have escaped from the situation alive and still a virgin! Well, maybe not that last part.

At this point you might be thinking to yourself, “Enough! What is the point of this ridiculous story, Subway Gal?” Fair enough. The point is that this story should be a lesson to you. The next time you encounter a seemingly friendly, probably gay man in a public setting, such as a gym, don’t be so quick to befriend him, because behind that cheery, almost obnoxious exterior, may lurk a sex predator plotting to turn you into a prostitute. And not even a prostitute who gets to keep a cut of the profits.