Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there! I spent the day with my fam traveling to Jersey to see one grandmother, and down to LI to see the other grandma. During the course of out travels we shared several meals with grandmas, aunts, uncles and cousins around the dinner table, and it was during this time where we all enjoyed many a laughs at my expense. See, what I failed to mention is that Boyfriend joined us on our travels today, and one of Boyfriend’s favorite things to do when he is with my fam is tell stories of all the ridiculous/dumb/disgusting/embarrassing/terrible things I do. Here’s how a conversation from earlier today went down . . . .
Boyfriend:(Upon completion of lunch/dinner). Mmmm that was so good!
Mom: And easy to make. Subway Gal, I can teach you - it’s so easy!
Boyfriend: Yea right! She doesn’t cook. I do all the cooking.
Mom: I know, I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t raise her to be like this.
Boyfriend: I know. I can tell her younger sister takes after you much more in that respect.
Mom: I tried . . . .
Boyfriend: I know, and I appreciate it.
Bofriend: You know what’s really bad? Her FARTS!
Mom: Ewwwwwwwwwww Subway Gal!
Boyfriend: She farts in her sleep and sometimes, when I walk in the room to go to bed after she’s already been asleep for some time, the room is disgusting! I have to sleep on the couch sometimes the smell is so bad.
Mom and Sister: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: I’m SLEEPING!! I can’t control what I do! Would you blame a sex addict for cheating on his pregnant wife? No. Because some things are simply out of our control.
Boyfriend, Mom and Sister just stare at me . . . .
Boyfriend: But the farts aren’t even the worst of it, if you can believe it. She grinds her teeth! It’s awful. Quite frankly, I’m surprised she has any teeth left.
At this point, I’ve poured myself my fifth drink of the early afternoon and am trying very hard to block out the conversation at the kitchen table by listening to grandma, who I love very much, tell me for the second time that day and about the 1,000th time in my life, why grandpa is such a POS.
Happy Mother’s Day! I heart family 
May 11th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Haa! Fart stories are the best!
May 11th, 2009 at 7:14 am
hahah it’s so funny when mom says things like “i didn’t raise her like this”
May 11th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
i heart family, too. gotta love the things mothers say.
May 12th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I do it on purpose and you deserve every moment of it - I think you get off easy frankly.