SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Go on, have an affair. Everyone is doing it.

Clinton, Spitzer, Sanford, Ensign. Our beloved nation’s capital also seems to be the infidelity capital. Affairs. All the politicians are doing it. And being sloppy about it. It doesn’t exactly inspire confidence when the supposed leaders of our country, with lots of money and all the power they could want, can’t even manage to cover [...]

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The Pants Party

“Your pants kind of give you a she-nis.” “What? Shenis?” I looked at Will, mystified. Then I glanced down and noticed that the fly of my jeans had created a pretty significant bulge. We’d just sat down on the subway. “Ohhh. You mean my joner?” He let out a perplexed snort. “What did you call it?” “My joner–a [...]

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A Subway Saga

This evening, as I dashed into the subway station just as my R train pulled into the station, I was stopped in my tracks by a herd of children and a couple of adults, obviously from out of town, standing in front of the turnstiles, trying to get everyone through to the other side. And [...]

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Restored Faith in the US Government

No, this has nothing to do with Obama or the subprime mortgage crisis or anything political. I’m going on a big trip soon (more on that later) which requires obtaining a visa (annoying.) Luckily, my passport is up to date and valid though like 2017, with the worst picture of me ever taken. I check out [...]

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The Subway Trains Are Your Grandma’s Old Couch

So here is the thing, want to know what the subway trains remind me of? My grandmother’s old couch. You want to just go buy a new couch for your apartment. But everyone is like, “No no no, we already HAVE a couch for you to use!” So you take the couch. And you try and clean it [...]

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The Man And The Mirror?

I am pawing through the latest issue of GQ this morning when I read Neel Shah’s latest ‘dating endeavor’ article; “Why I Can’t Date Girls With Bad Jeans Because I Am A Homosexual.” Ok, so that wasn’t the EXACT title of the article, but close enough. Neel retells the story of how he was going on [...]

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Maybe we all don’t need to get along after all

The other night, Boyfriend and I were having a disagreement of sorts. See, I was explaining to him the reason why I didn’t like a certain girl. I told him that what it boiled down to is that we just don’t click and that’s fine because sometimes, certain personalities don’t. He disagreed. He said that [...]

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David Letterman vs. Sarah Palin - It’s On!! ….. really? still??

Unless you’ve been living in a black hole lately, you’ve heard about the ridiculous, ongoing debate between David Letterman and Sarah Palin. It all started when David Letterman said on one his shows last week, of Sarah Palin and family’s recent trip to New York, “during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by [...]

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Because Some Things Just Leave Me Questioning The World We Live In…

So I had just sat down to enjoy my first look at US Weekly’s Stephanie Pratt story “The Hills Made Me Bulimic!”…when some guy sat down in the pleather bookstore chair next to me. I didn’t get a good look at him and was only able to notice his right sneaker and hairy calf… other than [...]

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Can Men Have A Later Curfew Without Being Kidnapped?

I have this ‘talent’ if you will..maybe more of a “skill’..or even a “dexterity”…(that is all that came up in the synonym check) The point is, I can make people talk. Remember in the horrible movie ‘Conspiracy Theory’ with Mel Gibson when they keep taping his eyelids open and dunking him in the water over [...]

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