I’m minding my own business when I get an email from Kari Feinstein PR agency in regards to Father’s Day (which will be here before you know it folks, so prepare - Sunday June 21) subject heading: “Father’s Day Ideas Dad Will LOVE!!!!!!”

Because my dad’s the absolute greatest, I open the email immediately. I find the press release copy:

Too old to sit on your father’s lap?

Then there’s a cute picture of a little five-year-old girl on her daddy’s knee. At this point, even though it’s against my nature, I’m thinking ‘aaaw.’

Then:

Help Him Find a Replacement this FATHER’S DAY at Sapphire New York!

At 10,000 square feet, Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club will pamper DAD with unparalleled dining at on-site steakhouse, Prime 333, full bottle service and an extensive list of wine and champagne, complimentary concierge service and VIP amenities. He’ll also be treated to a wide array of lovely ladies as the gentlemen’s club has over 8,000 dancers on staff.

Please let me know if you have any questions about Sapphire New York or can include it in upcoming Father’s Day coverage!

Excuse me, what?

I realize that the stripper, bottle service, gentlemen’s club industry is suffering in this economy with men in general having fewer spare twenties to stuff into exotic dancer’s cleavage, but no amount of desperation justifies a PR campaign about getting strippers for dad for Father’s Day.

I mean, are they REALLY proposing what it seems like they’re proposing?

I don’t like the idea of my father in a strip club in this universe, a parallel universe, on a boat or in a moat. Timing wise, I don’t like the idea of him in a strip club before I was born when, when he was a teenager, or during his joy days at college. I hate the idea of him in a strip club now. Actually, I don’t think the words “dad” and “strip club” should even be in the same sentence, or paragraph, or ideally, library!

To imply that because I’m too old to sit on my father’s lap that I should fund some abused Eastern European hooker to do so, is bat-shit insane. It also weirdly puts in juxtaposition daughters sitting on their dad’s laps with lap dances from strippers (many of whom are probably young enough to be their daughters). Which is just wrong. Thanks for that disturbing mental image, Mr. PR company, and consequent Freudian complexes.

I realize I saw a six-month-old infant in a stroller clutching a Blackberry while walking in midtown yesterday, and that our world’s future sanity is shakier than my balance in headstand, but can we please not sexualize Father Day? Is that too much to ask?

Later, it occurred to me that maybe the PR campaign was maybe meant for men – like stuff dudes could do for their dad’s for Father’s Day. This made somewhat more sense. But then I remembered the “sitting on your father’s lap” angle with the picture of the little girl and realized alas, no.

Although I’ve written guides on Text Message Etiquette etc., I’m not a manners fanatic. Yet steak with dad in a strip club while I buy him lap dances for Father’s Day is just a resounding NO.

Or am I way too uptight?