SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

WARNING: If you are young and still full of hope, stop reading right now.

I’m bored. And you probably are too. And why is this? Because life is boring, that’s why. In school, they fill your head with lies like “life is your oyster” and “you can be anything you want to be,” but we’re old enough now to realize that that just isn’t true. Life is certainly not your oyster and the only way you can be all you want to be is if you have money, and no one has money right now.

I remember being in high school and looking forward to college, and then being in college and looking forward to graduating and being able to start my career. And then I did graduate and I did start my career andddddddddd now what? Oh sure, marriage and kids will (hopefully) come next, along with buying my first home, and owning a car again, and that’s all really exciting and I’m looking forward to that, but who knows when that will happen. What about the here and now? Right now I’m bored. Oh sure, there’s alcohol and assorted drugs to help pass the time and make it a bit more enjoyable, or dramatic, but those are only temporary fixes, and if you don’t have money (like me) you don’t always have those devices at your disposal.

And not having alcohol and drugs at your disposal sucks, because the older I get, the more I realize just how essential they are to a person’s well-being. They can take you to a place far away from reality, even if for just a short period of time, to a place where it’s ok to walk to your ex-boyfriend’s house in the middle of the night, knock on his door and wake him up because you really need to explain to him why you two are meant to be, even though his current girlfriend is in bed with him. A world where carbs aren’t bad for you and pizza, followed by a pint of ice cream, at 5 in the morning is a-ok. But I digress.

I really envy the young, those who are fresh out of college and full of hope, like the group of kick-ass interns we have at my job. They are so eager to learn and excited by the tasks I find so boring and mundane. They sure as hell don’t look bored with life. They still believe that life is their oyster. And who knows, maybe it is. But probably not.

However, I sometimes find myself wishing that I was still that young, hopeful and determined executive, instead of the bitter hag that time and many mean bosses and rude clients, ex-boyfriends and slutty sorority girls have turned me into. Because then maybe I would have something to look forward to every day, and then maybe then life wouldn’t be so boring sometimes.