SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, Gale Storm (don’t worry, I didn’t know who she was either before I IMD’b her ass) and now Steve McNair ( I didn’t put the lovely Farrah in this list because she died a very sad death from a cancer that was incurable). That’s a lot of deaths in Hollywood in a short, one-month span. And that doesn’t include the B and C and Z-list celebrities that I probably left out.

Coincidence? Maybe, but I think it’s something more than that. I think we may have a celebrity serial killer on our hands. I just think that it’s too much of a coincidence for all those celebrities to die at once. I don’t buy the reasons they are throwing out there. I think it might all just be part of one big cover-up. So this got me thinking, who’s next?? I’m not sure, but if I were the “Celebrity Serial Killer,” I would probably target . . . .

Jon and Kate.

These cheating fame whores seemed to appear out of nowhere. They invaded our TVs and now we can’t get rid of them. Will they stay together or will they break up? Did Jon have an affair? Is Kate working as a prostitute on the side? What will happen to the eight kids? I think the more important question we need to be asking ourselves is, why do we care? I for one am proud to say that I have never watched the show, but I know than an embarrassingly large number of people who do, and those people should be ashamed of themselves.

Peaches Geldof.

I was never really sure who Peaches was or what she did, but I always thought she resembled a drunk homeless person. Turns out I was wrong. Apparently, she’s an English socialite whose parents are both famous across the pond.  She’s the English Paris Hilton, but even more useless. I read about her today because apparently she may be converting to Scientology. Poor TomKat.

The Jonas Brothers.

I have nothing against them personally. They seem like fine young boys, but there’s something about them that just bothers me.  They’re just a little too perfect. Irritatingly perfect. I get annoyed when their song come on the radio, or their video appears on the TV screen in front of me while I’m cruising along on the elliptical at the gym.

Denise Richards.

Will someone please tell me why her show is still on E!? She is a man-stealing good-for-nothing ex-Baywatch slut. There is no reason why she should be in the news, let alone the star of her own television show, even if it is only on cable television. I refuse to watch it, because the minute she opens her mouth I want to punch her in her big, beady eyes.

So, if you were the “Celebrity Serial Killer,” who would you knock off??