SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

If there’s one thing I hate more than anything it’s . . . well, actually, I hate a lot of things. Like cops, onions, crocs, fat women wearing tight spandex at the gym, scrunchies, apologizing. But something else I really hate is incompetence. Especially, incompetence in the workplace. The way I see it, you were hired to do one job, so do it, and do it well.

Take for example the cashiers at Macy’s who continually forget to remove the security tags from all the clothes I purchase. One time, I didn’t notice the dilemma until I took the shirt I purchased for my father out of the bag to wrap it and give to him when I saw him later that night. Goddamnit!! I remember thinking there was no time for me to go to Macy’s before I had to catch the train to Long Island. So, I brought the shirt with me and asked my mom if we could make a quick Macy’s pit stop on the way home. We did, but, apparently, Macy’s stores in Queens have different security tags than the ones on Long Island because none of the cashiers seemed to have the right tool to take it off. But all’s well that end’s well, because we eventually met up with a manager who magically possessed the right tool to remove the security tag from Queens from my dad’s shirt.

When I was laid off from my previous place of employment (a small-mid sized PR firm - and don’t try to guess, because there are literally hundreds of them in Manhattan), I was sent on my merry way with a crappy severance package in early July 08. Included in that craptastic package was healthcare coverage through the end of the month. I quickly refilled prescriptions that I did, or might need, and scheduled doctor’s appointment. At that point, I had no idea if or when I would ever get back to work, and I really didn’t want to spend my own money on health insurance. I was unemployed and depressed. It would have been better spent on weed.

A couple of months ago, I received a bill from my ex-insurance company, saying I owed them money for a prescription I re-filled mid-July. I hate insurance companies. I really do. They are unhelpful and rude, and I really don’t enjoy calling the. But I did. They informed me that my coverage ended the day I was laid off, no matter what my ex-company told me. Naturally, I was angry. Fuming, in fact. I immediately crafted an e-mail to the “Chief People Officer” (no joke) who laid me off at my ex-place of employment. It went a little something like this . . .

When I was laid off in early July, you assured me that my health coverage would last through the rest of the month, as is standard procedure when one leaves a job or is laid off. However, I received a notice from the insurance company today saying that my coverage ended on July 2 and I now owe money for a prescription I filled after that time. I filled the prescription in July, when I was still supposedly covered, so obviously this is your fault. I ask that you clear this matter up asap, as I refuse to pay the $246.23 bill they sent to me.

Less than a week later, the insurance bill was paid by my ex-employer. I thought that after that little experience they would have learned their lesson. Apparently not, because a little over a week ago, I received a bill from my doctor’s office, for an appointment I had on July 31, 2008, the supposed last day of my health insurance. WTF?! I shouted to no one in particular in my building lobby where I was quickly browsing through my mail. How is this possible? I immediately contacted my doctor’s office and found out that I owed money because my ex-insurance company told my doctor’s office that I wasn’t covered under them on July 31, 2008. Fuming, I once again, e-mailed my ex-employer to ask them to get to the bottom of the situation. After more than a week of getting the runaround, I finally shot off this little gem yesterday . . .

I understand that the insurance company is not cooperating with you, but I hope you understand my frustration because I brought this matter to your attention a week ago and cannot understand why it has not yet been resolved. It is my understanding that this is the same situation as last time - When you laid me off  you told me I would be covered by the insurance company through the end of July 2008. However, the insurance company never agreed to this, which means that you will once again have to pay this bill. My doctor’s office is expecting payment, so let me know as soon as this matter is cleared up. I expect it to be resolved by week’s end.

The next day I received an e-mail from my ex-employer saying they were mailing me a check for me to send to my doctor’s office.

Who said you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar?