Last night I sat in the corner of the book store next to some lady with 100 plastic bags, a twitch and a faint smell of old urine… and I read one of the best new York times bestsellers I have read in a long time.
It was deep, thoughtful, ambitious….insightful, engaging, artistic.
That is correct, I read ‘Eat This Not That.’ (and if I knew how to use the damn Underline key on this I would).
To be honest I am becoming quite obsessed with the entire ETNT collection.
For 200 glorious pages you can see why getting a McDonald’s single patty is 500 calories less than the triple pounder with cheese. Which brings me to my next point…was anyone really not already aware of this?
Yes, the calorie contents are disgusting. New Yorkers know first hand what it is like to be putting your finger on the shrimp alfredo only to see that it is covering a 4 digit long calorie count beside it.
Is having these calories displayed to the world, really making us a thinner more nutritionally educated place?
For example, I discovered that a large Oreo Shake at Baskin Robbins has 2600 calories. Which is pretty much what I believe I am supposed to eat in an entire week. But again, lies the question, should I be ordering an Oreo shake to begin with? Even in my aghast, I wonder why we need a book to tell us that eating cheese fries while drinking cream shakes may not be the best plan.
There was a time, back in the 90’s when before I reported to tennis practice each evening I would down about a half box of cereal…as a snack. No joke, I consumed enough carbs in that one snack-session to perform at the Ironman. Looking back now I wonder how I ever survived Prom dress shopping.
We all lie awake now with nightmares of Chicken Burritos from Chipotle coming to get us in our sleep. I have actually had dreams where I am shoving banana cream pie in my face and I wake up frightened that I ingested a month’s supply of sugar. And if for those out there needing to know that Loaded Potato Skins on the TGIFriday menu may NOT be the healthiest choice, then I say, print more of those damn books! But for the rest of us, simply shame on you.
The last time I went to McDonald’s and had a Fish Fillet I am pretty sure I spent the next three an a half hours in the bathroom reading every Newsweek magazine cover to cover. Whatever is in that burger cannot be good for you if my intestines now convulse at the very sight of it.
People eat this shit though because they want the taste of really unhealthy shit in their mouths. When I order a Grande extra syrup Mocha with whip from the ‘Bucks I do not disillusion myself into believe it is the same as a piece of fruit. I can actually taste the fat entering my body and clinging onto my underarms like overboard sailors clinging to a piece of plywood.
My grandmother has a saying she always repeats, “A taste on the lips, forever on the hips”. And yes, if someone besides a ‘grandmother’ ever said that to me I might have to tazer them.
Reading books such as Eat This Not Thatonly enforces our original belief…that what we have been eating all these years really is just a pile of crap. And if you can somehow tell me how to eat only dressing-free salads filled with 9 almonds and 2 pieces of grilled chicken, then be my guest….and for the rest of you,..who is up for some shrimp alfredo?
August 31st, 2009 at 10:23 am
Dude have you read Skinny Bitch? That book made me a vegan for like, two whole weeks.