A valued friend recently enlightened me on how to permanently avoid performing the walk of shame in one small, simple, user-friendly step. No this isn’t an infomercial and no, it doesn’t involve sobriety, responsibility, a buddy-system or locking yourself in your room.
For those of you who’ve been living underground, the ‘walk of shame’ is a person’s return home in daylight today dressed in last night’s clothes. Usually because the night was so eventful that the person lost their keys, ended up sleeping at a friend’s or ended up making a *new* friend and sleeping at their house…if you get my drift. Typically, it involves waking up at noon the next day and suffering the humiliation of being forced to make your way home in heels, a Stella McCartney cocktail dress and glittery purse amongst joggers and normal folks in daytime clothes enjoying brunch.
In other words, it’s like having ‘Last Night’s Irresponsible Drunken Road Kill’ stamped across your forehead while forced to parade around on public display.
Oh, the shame.
Well, good news. You can continue to be irresponsible while never suffering societal shame again. The handy solution:
Sunglasses.
Yep, that’s right. Even your smallest clutch purse can fit a pair of Ray-Bans. If you have the slightest premonition that you might not make it home, but don’t want to pack an overnight bag to take to the bar, just toss a pair of shades in your purse. You’re instantly legitimized because no one doing the walk of shame would have gone out the evening before in sunglasses (unless they’re one of those scary guido creatures who think sunglasses in a nightclub are OK. They don’t apply here).
In conclusion, your nighttime outfit now looks like an extra hip daytime ensemble thanks to the use of sunglasses. Even if you wore the dressiest, sparkly dress the night before, you now look like you could be going to a fancy brunch, charity event, daytime taping of TRL or a wedding. All thanks to this one little accessory. Also, if you’re hung-over, which most walk of shamers are, you’ll really appreciate those sunglasses anyway.
September 1st, 2009 at 11:21 am
So simple, yet so perfect! I’m a big fan of sunglasses (because I don’t like to look people in the face after a “night out”), but I never realized they might actually cover-up the fact that I was out the night before at all! Thanks, MMB. I’ll never leave home without my sunglasses at night again
September 4th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
It’s a trade-off: sunglasses are functional, sure, but they’re about as cool as cigarettes. (To each his/her own, but the comfort props provide shouldn’t be confused with an enhanced appearance.) Truth is, only ugly people look better with part of their faces covered up, and sunglasses just scream out “stoner” or “neurotic”.