SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

I’ve decided that when I grow up, I want to be a Kardashian. I’ve made it no secret that I’m obsessed with the whole damn family, so this really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. I think that being a Kardashian would be wonderful. Except for the fact that their father is no longer around, they look pretty damn happy to me! And why shouldn’t they? These girls can’t lose!

Decide to have a shotgun wedding after dating one month? Why the hell not! Knocked up by your on-again loser boyfriend? How exciting! If either one of those situations happened to me, my mother would slap me! And give me the silent treatment for at least one month. But there’s good ole Kris Jenner always lurking in the background, cheering her girls on, no matter what embarrassing/degrading/foolish thing they’ve done. Did anyone else see the “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” episode when she was the only person urging her daughter Kim to do Playboy. You can’t make that stuff up.

Kris is a hot mess - she’s even more dramatic than her girls. Kim is great. Kourtney is adorable and Khloe is a sassy bitch. Even Bruce is humorous at times. Spending time with the whole gang must be a trip! Yup,  being a Kardashian must be nice. I envy the life. And I don’t wanna hear any shit about it! Boyfriend’s brother has already berated me for this statement and that’s where it ends, goddammit! I mean, if you weigh the pros vs. cons, it really becomes quite clear . . . .

Pro: The Kardashians are pretty much famous for doing nothing.

Con: It took a sex tape to really launch the family into the spotlight.

Pro: The Kardashians appear to have plenty of money.

Con: Just like us common folk, they have to work for their money. In a store. That they own. A handful of days a week, when their appearance is needed for an episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” or “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.”

Pro: The Kardashians date good-looking, famous, rich men like Reggie Bush and Lamar Odom.

Con: Still searching for one . . . .

Pro: The Kardashians have a very active social life.

Con: Rehab, liver disease, STDs, sex tapes, etc. etc.

Pro: Kardashians aren’t expected to be or act smart.

Con: They probably aren’t.

See, being a Kardashian doesn’t look to shabby (for the most part), does it? But I get it, that life isn’t for everyone. So, if being a Kardashian isn’t your thing, what well-known family wouldn’t you mind being a part of??