· Dancing With The Stars- Who are your celebrity “stars” here?…Tom Delay?…Really DWTS REALLY? A Republican house majority leader?…I mean what, Gary Coleman wasn’t available? Or Dionne Warwick? I mean really, what is she up to lately?
· CSI Miami- So let me take a guess here, someone in the Everglades dies, there is blood left on the scene and a bad guys turns out to be good guys in disguise? There is two men, a woman and someone finds a semen sample?….and then we all go get Strawberry Daiquiris on Ocean Drive…am I right or am I right? Do I get a badge now?
· Heroes- Want to know what I don’t get about this show? Um, let’s narrow it down to…everything. Someone is a cheerleader? Everyone has superhuman abilities? There is some kind of global virus…what, like H1N1? All I know is that Hayden bitch was out trying to save dolphins somewhere and there were photos of her crying on top of a surfboard during a dolphin demonstration, I saw it all on Perez, and all I could think was, maybe she actually doesn’t know she isn’t a ‘hero’ in real life…
· Biggest Loser- The only show where I can sit and eat Nutter Butters and not feel bad about myself.
· Gary Unmarried- There is this guy, his name is “Gary”, he gets a divorce, starts sleeping with random women and gets caught in ‘hilarious’ dating situations involving his children….. I believe this show already exists folks, only it’s called ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8’.
· Mercy- NBC, can’t you just go back to producing good shows… like ‘Friends’?
· Extreme Home Makeover – Common Ty! Yell it to me Ty! You are so excited! Just so damn excited to be on the show! Let’s go have some Red Bull! Or a Monster Energy Drink! You like Baseball kid? Huh, huh?! Well guess what?! You are now going to LIVE INSIDE OF A BASEBALL! THAT IS RIGHT WE MADE YOUR ENTIRE ROOM OUT OF A BASEBALL! GOD KID DON’T YOU LOVE IT?! DON’T YOU JUST FUCKING LOVE IT! SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME MEDS, I NEED MY MEDS HOLYLORDHELPMEIREALLYNEEDMYMEDICATION!
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
You ladies all need to find a more constructive use for your free time than playing beached whale in front of the telly. It’s just CRAP!
Some other things you might do instead:
Learn a foreign language. Spanish is easy, Arabic is useful and lucrative, Chinese is where it’s at in the future. Think how proud you would be ordering Szechuan in Chinese in front of your friends.
Write more of your interesting and witty blog entries.
Take up a sport. Occupy your free time with bicycle race training, weight lifting, running, paddle ball, roller blading, etc. Improves your health and looks, too.
Master a cuisine. Foods of some forgotten region of Italy, France or Spain. You get to eat the product, then ride a bike.
Research and study an esoteric subject. The Duke of Marlborough and the War of the Spanish Succession, wildlife of the Indian sub-continent, Grover Cleveland and the “Bourbon Democrats”, water witching, colored gemstones, draft horse pulling contests, etc. There might be a couple other things. Good stuff to bring up in otherwise boring conversations.
Get into art. Painting, sculpture, jewelry. Wiggle into the art crowd and get invited to parties with many bizarre arty types in attendance. More food for conversation.
Anyway, break that TV habit ASAP