Ever notice all the articles and books out there advising supposed good girls on how to be bad. Psh! Who needs a guide for that? Most girls are bad (in a good way of course) anyway, and what we really need is some guidance on how to maintain our inner badness (yes, I invented a new word) while making it seem like we are really good. And that’s where I come in. I’ve developed a quick-and-easy, down-and-dirty guide for bad girls who need some help pretending to be good for show, while still being very bad. Enjoy! And, fellow bad girl experts, let me know if there are any tips I missed that you think should be added.

1. Do not give our your number to sexy strangers if you’re in a relationship.Instead, take his number and text (never call) him on your terms. You might be in a relationship, short-term or long, but until you walk down the aisle, you aren’t technically, legally, bound to anyone. However, this is no excuse to hop into bed with any man who buys you a drink or compliments your shirt (p.s. he’s really complimenting your killer cleavage). Have some decency and instead, when he asks for your number, ask him for his and tell him that you will call him. This way, a. when you sober up in the morning you may realize he was fugly and you don’t have to worry about blowing him off when he calls or b. you can reach out to him and say hi on your terms (when boyfriend is out) so you won’t get any suspicious calls or texts at an inconvenient time, say at dinner with your boyfriend and his parents. 
2. Don’t steal. Instead, “borrow” what you want. Dying to get your hands on that list of upcoming layoffs on your boss’s desk which he left so  carelessly out in the open for anyone to lust after? Thinking those earrings in the store will look perfect with your outfit for this evening, but you don’t have any cash to get them? Sure you could steal them, and probably really well so that no one would even know you did it until you were long out of the store, but it’s wrong to steal. Solution? Instead of stealing these items, borrow them. How? Simple. You’ve gotta use what you got, to get what you want. I’m not suggesting you become a high-price call girl . . . although, times are tough nowadays . . . . but rather, employ a little shameless flirting and skin to get your hand on these items. You’ll be amazed at what a sexy smile here, and a low-cut sweater there can get you. You’ll have the unsuspecting man so distracted by your sexiness that he won’t even notice that you borrowed anything. *Disclaimer - the word “borrow” in this case means “steal” unless you actually have any intention of bringing the items back, which I think is more trouble than it’s worth.
3. Make good excuses. No one wants to wake up and go to work in the morning, or spend their Sunday afternoon, their last day of freedom before the awful work week begins again, with family, but you have to pretend that you do. If you pretend to enjoy doing the things you don’t like doing most of the time, then when you make an excuse not to do it, no one will suspect you’re lying. For instance, if you go to work everyday and plaster a big, fake smile on your face and laugh at your boss’ awful jokes, and stay just a few minutes later than the guy who sits next to you, even if you are just checking Facebook, then when you call in the next day to say you aren’t feeling well, even though you are but could really just use one day to sleep-in, then no one will suspect you’re faking. Or, if you made an appearance at the last three family functions in a row, then mom’s guilt trip won’t be so bad when you call last minute and say that while you would love to spend time with the family and answer more questions about why you still aren’t married, you just can’t because you have to be at work super-early the next day (even though you are planning to call-in sick) and just need to spend the day getting stuff (”stuff” is a vague enough word that could mean anything, but really means nothing) in order and going to sleep early. Small sacrifices now lead to big pay-off later.
4. Use (but do not abuse) drugs and/or alcohol to help you get through difficult situations. Dinner with the in-laws? Performance review at work? The “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation with the boyfriend? Need to tell a good friend that she has awful BO? Let’s face it, these are all unpleasant situations that are difficult to deal with, especially if you’re sober. So don’t be. Whether you’re a wino, alcoholic, or pot-head, indulge yourself in a little of your guiltiest pleasure before dealing with these situations and you’ll be amazed at how much easier they will be to handle. BUT, remember to only indulge yourself a little, because using too much of any of these substances in these situations would be a disaster. Imagine getting so drunk at dinner with the in-laws that you start playing footsie under the table with your father-in-law, or you accidentally blurt out that your mother-in-law’s cooking is really quite disgusting and you hate holidays at her house because of this. That would sooo not be good. Consume with caution.
5. Dress yourself with care. Chance are, if you’re reading this, you’re a sexy beast. Whether it’s your big boobs, fantastic ass or long legs that make you irresistible to the men, you’ve got something to flaunt and it should be flaunted! However, there’s a time and a place for it, and work, church/synagogue, or Great Uncle Ben’s funeral is not it. But, it doesn’t mean you still can’t dress sexily at these places; it just has to be a subtle sexiness. For example, you don’t want to throw on a shapeless, boring black dress for the funeral because you never know who you might see  - maybe Great Uncle Ben had some friends with hot sons who will be at the funeral paying their respects? You just never know, and because of this you always have to be prepared, but you also have to be respectful. Solution? A tight black dress that shows off your curves, without revealing skin. Or perhaps you want to catch the eye of your hot, new co-worker but don’t want to be fired for indecent exposure. Solution? Low, v-neck cut, tight sweater with a tank-top underneath. Then, when you invite co-worker to happy hour later, you can whip off the tank-top, get drunk and see where the night takes you.

Start using these tips and people will believe that you really are a good girl, and be none the wiser to your bad girl ways