Happy New Year to you all! Here’s hoping that 2010 is happy, healthy, wealthy and a lot better than 2009, which I thought was kinda crappy. As we enter into this new year, I think we all need to take a good, long, hard look at our lives and make some important changes, beginning with our Facebook status updates.
I fully support the freedom of expression and believe that on Facebook you have the right to post whatever the hell you want, no matter how inappropriate and/or offensive, as your status updates, but there are two types of updates that have got to stop!
- If you are using your Facebook status updates to let everyone from your best friends to your oldest acquaintances; your parents to your boss; from your dentist to your online boyfriend, know that you are feeling sad because you’re going through menopause, or that you feel like killing yourself after your recent divorce, or something elusive about how you will get through this latest “obstacle in life,” then you are PATHETIC and I hate you! Stop it. Go buy a puppy to cry to and snuggle with, or visit your local priest or rabbi to confide in, but don’t air your personal problems on Facebook. People go on Facebook to stalk exes or get depressed about their own lives when they see that their old classmates appear to be doing much better than them. No one needs to hear about your drama too.
- People who post inappropriate updates for their age, like my 6o year-old aunt posting that she is doing her kegel exercises, or my darling 16 year-old cousin posting things like, ”could of loved you all my life if you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold.” Honey, at 16, I can pretty much guarantee that the person you think you love now will most likely not be someone you will love for the rest of your life, because chances are that he will turn out to be gay.
Trust me. You make these changes and you are already on the road to a better 2010. And I will stop despising you.
January 5th, 2010 at 9:23 am
lol. I am amazed by some people’s facebook statuses. I have friends that literally write an entire book for their status. And the thing is…they actually think they are cool.
January 5th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
The worst I ever saw was a woman who wrote status updates about how many centimeters dilated she was during pregnancy. Shouldn’t she be focusing on…I don’t know…GIVING BIRTH!?
January 5th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
I really hate those vague and cryptic status updates that make the person sound so deep and spiritual or are an inside joke that no one else will get save one other person.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:56 am
Amen.
MMB-I had a friend TEXT me how many cm she was dilated (but included several other people). I don’t think it ever occurred to her that a) I may be eating lunch b) i have no idea what the centimeters are normally and what are baby-head-ready centimeters. she coulda just said she was about to have the baby c) i HATE mass texts. Mass texts=we’re not that good of friends for me to get my own. d) tell your mom, not me.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Yeah I always defriend the following people instantly:
People who send stupid requests (i.e. farmville)
People who post status updates regarding health (i.e. kidney stones)
People who are disgusting and inappropriate (we fucked three times last night)
People who post too many pics of their pets (careful with the kitties, Subway Gal!) tee hee
January 6th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Abe, you can never have too many pics of my adorable kitties!
Boyfriend says if I break up with him, I’m doomed to become the crazy cat lady on “The Simpsons.” Awesome.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Wahahahah!! You probably already are
One more thing makes you automatically defriended:
Unnecessarily posting extremely religious things, or bible verses
January 6th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
What’s facebook?