A friend of mine just shared an awful, but hilarious, story about a recent date she went on and because it is so funny, and awful, I thought I would share, so I’ve copied it below for all of you to enjoy. When reading this story please keep in mind a few things:

• My friend is very attractive
• My friend met this douchebag during closing time at a bar when she was intoxicated
• This man is 30, short and not that attractive
• Names have been changes to protect the innocent

• Dylan: Oh, they only take cash here. Good thing I have a lot of cash in my wallet.
• Brenda: (awkward smile)
• Dylan: So, I usually date younger girls. If i want a big family and I want to enjoy time with my wife after we’re married, I need to marry young. You’re lucky though, even though you’re older, you look like your 21.
• Brenda: I’m not old, Dylan. I’m only 25.
• Dylan: (awkward smile).

• Waitress: Are you ready?
• Dylan: I think I know what she wants
• Brenda: (in my head - you do??)
• Dylan: An order of Chili with onions please.
• Brenda: (in my head - ew gross)
• Dylan: Then two burgers medium
• Brenda: (thank goodness)
• Brenda: So, why were you at Su Casa last night?
• Dylan: My best friend just broke up with his girlfriend of seven years, moved out of her apartment that weekend. They should have just gotten married.
• Brenda: Why, so they could be divorced instead?
• Dylan: If they were married they would have worked it out.
• Brenda: Or they’d be divorced.
• Dylan: (awkward smile)

• Brenda: So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?
• Dylan: Going to Anguila on Saturday in my friends private jet. I like private jets for short trips, but if it’s a longer trip I’d so much rather do first class. Don’t get the wrong idea, some guys would just tell you it was their own private jet. I’m telling you the truth - it’s my friend’s. Do you like first class?
• Brenda: I fly Coach.
• Dylan: (awkward smile).
• Brenda: So have you ever been to the Atlantis?
• Dylan: Yes, we flew there in my friend’s private jet on the way back from the Dominican Republic.
• Brenda: Oh right. (awkward smile)

• Dylan: So what do you think of this shirt? ($100 green and brown checkered button-down).
• Brenda: It’s nice.
• Dylan: And this one?
• Brenda: I like it.
• Dylan: You don’t like anything in here do you?
• Brenda: Honestly, I’m used to vintage T shirts
• Dylan: (awkward smile)