SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Has anyone picked up on the Lady Gaga theme I have going on lately? I swear it’s not intentional.

Fame. Everyone wants it, but few will ever posses it. But I guess in today’s world where anyone who is either slutty, crazy, desperate, rich or any combination of those can get their own reality show, it’s easier than ever to attain some form of fame. But I digress. As I was saying, we all want fame in our own ways. I know that I certainly want fame, in a similar way to how Kim or Khole Kardashian have it. I’m pretty lazy, so I don’t really want to have to work for the fame, but I still want it. And I also want a sexy, black, rich, professional sports player.

But fame is a funny thing, because it is powerful and if you’re not careful, it will destroy and/or kill you. Take for example 30 year-old heiress Casey Johnson.

In the days leading up to heiress Casey Johnson’s death, it was revealed that she was very jealous of her good friend Paris Hilton. Very jealous of what you are no doubt asking yourself; she jealous of her “fame.” Now, it’s widely known that Paris Hilton is only famous because she made a sex tape (this appears to be how all the greats get their start) and then starred in a reality show with pre-anorexic Nicole Richie, saying and doing stupid things. So, to recap, Paris Hilton’s “fame” comes from being a stupid whore. It was this fame that Casey Johnson craved. The fame monster claims another victim.

And just today, it was revealed that famewhore extradonaire Heidi Montag underwent 10 plastic surgeries in one day.

There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll begin with People magazine. I’m a big fan of People, read the Web site every day, several times a day, but why in holy hell would they run this as their cover story?? Was it a slow news day? And don’t get me started on what kind of message this sends to America’s impressionable youth. Also, I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that 10 surgeries in one day is not safe. She doesn’t even look like herself anymore. She kinda looks like Nicolette Sheridan. Why would she do this?? Ah yes, for the attention. Not satisfied with staging photo ops with the paparazzi, Heidi decided to do something so stupid that she would have to get media coverage about it. The fame monster strikes again.

And what about poor Michael Jackson.

That man never stood a chance. I believe that Michael, rest his soul, is the shining example of exactly what fame can do to a person. What once was an adorable, talented, bright young black boy, turned into a crazy, scary young boy trapped inside an anorexic white woman’s body. But that’s what happens when you launch a kid into stardom and make him the leader of a pop band before he graduates from elementary school. The fame monster ate him alive.

So, my friends, if you are fortunate enough to achieve fame one day, remember these stories and don’t let yourself fall victim to the fame monster. And remember your friend Subway Gal. Because I’m going to want perks. Like meeting famous people. And borrowing money.