SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

If you’re like me, you tipped your hat off to Martin Luther King Jr. on Monday and thanked him for the day off. If not, well then that really sucks for you and you should put in a complaint with your company’s HR department. Three-day weekends are amazing. In fact, I’ve been trying (in my imagination because I’m far too lazy to really try and enact change) to make the three-day weekend a regular reality for about a decade now. Aside from the obvious benefit - additional much-needed sleep - there are other reasons why the work week should only be four days and the weekend three.

• Overall happiness. Most people, unless you are (most) celebrities, hate their jobs. We leave our homes in the morning before sunrise to get to work and while we are there it sucks all the life out of us so that when we finally leave to go home (when the sun has set for the day), we barely have any energy left to eat a late dinner. We spend those few precious hours before bedtime trying to relax and unwind, be social and tend to those things we need to get done that aren’t work related but we never seem to have any time to do (i.e. those stacks of dishes in your sink, the clothes that have been waiting for pickup at the drycleaner for weeks, the pool of cat urine in the corner, etc. etc.).
• Sanity. Work drives people crazy, with the unrealistic deadlines (why does everything need to be done by end of day??), cruel clients, demanding bosses and back-stabbing co-workers. Two days during the weekend are not enough to cope with all that. Especially since most people spend part of their weekends working anyway. All that stress just can’t be healthy for people. In fact, it’s not. It’s why people under the age of 50 have heart attacks.
  
• Physical fitness and healthiness. How are people expected to keep their New Years resolutions of staying in shape if they don’t have time to get to the gym?! Sure, you could hit the gym in the morning, but when you already wake up at 6 a.m. to begin your morning routine, you would pretty much have to give up sleep altogether if you wanted to fit the gym in the morning too. And yes, you could go after work, and I make myself do it a couple of days a week, but that’s after a 15 minute internal argument about whether or not to go because the gym is just about the last thing I want to do at the end of the day of a long work day. And eating healthy? Forget about it. When you’re chained to your desk for most of the day, meals are fast, sporadic and rarely healthy
  
• Productivity. Research (don’t ask me what kind because I don’t know, but it is out there) has been done proving that the more rested a person is, the more productive he/she becomes. Makes sense, right? You would think that someone would have caught on to this trend and thought, hey wait a minute! If I don’t work my employees 12 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, maybe they will be more alert and productive while they are at work. Genius! But alas, no one, except me, has come to this conclusion yet, so we are forced to guzzle coffee, or Red Bull, or sugar packets, in an effort to stay awake, alert and productive. Unfortunately, those three don’t always go hand-in-hand, which is why that 10-page memo that you spent all day and night writing may get sent to your client named “Mr. Shitmeyer” instead of ” Mr. Shotmeyer.”

So, in conclusion, whoever, if anyone, may be listening, the American people need a three-day weekend, because as you can clearly see, it’s a matter of health (physical and mental) and happiness.

Thank you,

SG