Now I understand that the people working for Apple have one too many ‘MBA’ graduates working on their side and with all that ‘advanced’ old-man thinking one might wonder….was it really necessary to title their new invention the ‘iPAD’? Were there no other names available at the time?

How about iSlate?

iTablet?

iTab?

iPage?

Ok, so I get it. Fine. You win Mr. Jobs. We will go with ‘iPad’ for now.

But I ask you, where is my iPAP in all of this? Will there be a certain ‘time of the month’ when the computer fully shuts down, stops functioning normally and continuously reverts back to the last web page with a very sensitive Downy commercial in it? Will it tell me to ‘shut up’ and that I ‘just don’t understand’ or ask me to ‘stop calling it fat’ …it is, after all, ‘stalky’ you know!

What happens when I piss (iPiss?) off the iPad? Will it tell me to go to hell and throw a glass of wine in my face? Or maybe even complain that its corduroy cover doesn’t fit anymore and how if maybe , just maybe, I paid it a bit more attention, that it would function without short circuiting?

Furthermore I worry that this iPad will not be able to keep all my data contained in one area? Is there security to protect against leaks? How about data overflows? How would one even describe the dataflow? Moderate? Heavy? Very heavy? How long do upsets usually last? 3-5 days, or longer?

Should I go on?