SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

My boyfriend brought home a Men’s Health magazine the other day. Now as much as I don’t need to know the latest neck exercise or 109 ways to do a pull up…I still find reading through men’s magazines to be an interesting perspective into the ‘other’ world.  In fact sometimes I want to know why men are in general so smelly, hairy…and what is up with all those lint balls.

As I got to the back page, there was the typical ’sex’ ad, whether for an enhancer or toy, I have no clue, in fact the actual product they were advertising for was no where listed in the photo, there was however a clear explanation of sex; A busty woman, naked except for a small purple G-string, with her arms around a chiseled well-oiled man. There was only one clear item though that stood out to me (and get your minds out of the gutter here)…the wedding rings. Oh yes, of course they had to be MARRIED. In fact the wedding ring on the woman was on the wrong hand, deducing ‘mirror image’ technicalities the ring was actually on her right hand, because the left was was busy pulling on his…um..hair? Eh, maybe not hair, but you get the idea.

Regardless, I suspect this ad would not have been printed had the rings not been in plain reader’s site. Her hand was blatantly exposed as the large diamond shined to perfection.

What is with American commercials bringing us back to the days of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo?  Have you ever noticed a bedroom set ad? If there is a man and woman on the bed enjoying their mattress, I guarantee their wedding rings are in plain site. There is a familiar mattress ad with a woman in a pink slip (I don’t think so) spooning her husband (I might vomit) as her and her large wedding ring (starting to sweat) rub his arm (pass me the trash can).  

Even a company as ‘liberated’ as KY hosts all commercials to the straight and married clans of America. KY Intense? Married. KY Intrigue? Married. KY Gay-Man-Sex-In-A-Steam-Room-Rub?  Married. (And Straight). Even the ‘Explosion’ ads, more likely to draw boys of the 19-23 persuasion…all married.

I have yet to find one bedroom, lube , mattress or even sheet ad that contains a couple without wedding rings on their fingers.

Now I understand my parent’s generation would be slightly disturbed at an ad of two single people enjoying their new  mattress…but it is also due in part to that fact that living in sin is still considered…well, living in sin. Regardless of the fact that most of us are doing it. And by “it’ i simply mean, living together.

Even the yogurt ads are to blame, ever see the woman on the phone to her friend about her delicious new ‘treats’ in the fridge (which is actually yogurt, oh the HIGH-larity)…she is married.The man whom she calls ‘Babe’ who is in the background searching through the fridge like a doofus…is of course her husband, huge shiny wedding band and all.

In fact 10 percent of all cohabitation couples are ‘unmarried’. So for every 9 couples there is one unmarried couple, whom is not welcome to look at a set of mattress without the appropriate bling.

I would like to finally see a commerical with something different. How about an unmarried hipster couple, playing slowly on their guitars with Nader stickers? Or maybe a yogurt selling gay couple who always eat their “boysenberries” ? Just saying. It is time for advertisers to wake up and realize, living in sin, is no longer sinful. In fact it is more financially acceptable and if you would like to be apart of that additional finance, then please include us in your commercials.