Miss Model Behavior’s a failed former model who after living in Milan, Paris and London realized her hip size and ethics would prevent her from getting anywhere in the fashion business. She now works a normal job in New York City while spending an unhealthy amount of time contemplating the meaning of life. She’s the innovator of the champagne and cottage cheese diet, but is better known for her club and restaurant reviews – none of which should be taken seriously. Miss MB can be found mainly downtown alternately raving about and condemning everyone and everything, pending on her fragile mood. At the end of last summer, she experienced an ‘existential crisis,’ the results of which are still panning out.  Contact: model@selfabsorbed.me Stalk: http://twitter.com/ModelBehavior

NYC Ponderings Chick was 10 years old when a boy jumped up behind her on a class trip and kissed her, to which she spit on his lip and tried to punch him in the face. She has been having bad first dates ever since. Take your tired, your weary, your bad tippers, your over tippers, your close talkers, your hunchbacks, your lepers…she has dated them all. NYCPonderings Chick is known to be funnier then you, better looking than you and overall sent from a man some call, “Jesus Christ.” She is also extremely humble. Late at night you can find her wearing her 7^th grade retainer, listening to the neighbors above her have sex. She is skilled in two things: spear fishing and getting drunk men to buy her drinks. Contact: ponderings@selfabsorbed.me Stalk: http://twitter.com/PonderingsChick

How to Do Nothing without Really Trying Join award-winning writer and filmmaker Mark L. Feinsod and his friend Goldy as they talk about various issues concerning New York and discuss the ways in which the city is so great, weird, wonderful, exciting and funny.  Available for streaming or download.  Coming soon to iTunes. Contact:podcast@feinsodville.com

Marilyn McNugget was born into a family that didn’t live on a commune, but desperately wanted to. Spending childhoods running through the forest naked and baking cakes with her grandmother has had an enormous effect on Marilyn, insofar as she loathes insects but loves cake. Marilyn would rather be dead than live somewhere other than a major city, which isn’t as harsh and damning as it sounds, since her grandmother is dead, and she looks forward to baking cakes in the afterlife. Marilyn’s most beloved dog also passed away this year, resulting in a tattoo and constant inclinations toward adopting a pet. Anyone out there with little black poodles to give away, let her know. Aside from all that, Marilyn is pretty much like Elaine from Seinfeld, Orioles hat and all. Contact: marilyn@selfabsorbed.me Stalk: http://twitter.com/marilynmcnugget

Stunned in the City moved to New York because she didn’t want to live anywhere that required her to drive a car. A young 20-something, she enjoys indulgences typical of any female her age: mainly unhealthy quantities of coffee, hard alcohol, and Facebook.com. She also loves puppies and Mickey Avalon. With her favorite gold lamé headband and a diet that primarily consists of crunchy peanut butter and Ortho Tri-cyclen Lo, Stunned is proving to be an unstoppable force–a true natural disaster. Contact: stunned@selfabsorbed.me Stalk: http://twitter.com/StunnedintheNYC

SubwayGal - You know that girl with the false sense of entitlement always looking down at strange, rude, smelly people? Yup, that’s me! Well, I’m not all that bad. I just get frustrated really easily when people piss me off, particularly on the subway. But if some 300-pound man were taking up half of your seat on the morning rush-hour commute to work, you’d be pissy too.

Anyway, my “fun-loving” attitude and sometimes “crazy” personality has gotten me into some pretty interesting situations, especially on the subway. Especially when I’m drunk. Or cranky in the morning. Let’s just say that I have mace, and I’ve used it. And not wisely.

But I don’t always talk about the subway on this blog. I mean, there really is only so much you can say about it and the strange people who ride it. Sometimes I talk about real, important issues that affect our everyday lives, like James Van der Beek’s career, or lack thereof. And sometimes, I’ll even throw a poll out there to get people’s thoughts on fascinating topics such as who would they rather be stuck sitting next to on a subway; a really fat person, or a smelly person. Love me or hate me, you can always . . . usually . . . maybe, count on me for a good laugh. Contact: subwaygal@selfabsorbed.me

The Troy Report - Too Self Absorbed to party like a rock star seven nights a week? That’s why we give you The Troy Report – the down and dirty, tell-it-like-it-is, “absurdity from last night” recap straight from the mouth of one of Manhattan’s hottest and brutally honest promoters. The club circuit finally has an unbiased voice from within the business of the nightlife game, with no hidden agenda. Think you can keep up with him? Pending the locale, Troy’s usually willing to expand his entourage. Contact: tnkg6@yahoo.com Stalk: 646-251-5017

All of SelfAbsorbed’s authors are professional writers writing in character. For professional inquiries please contact them individually or email info@selfabsorbed.me

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