SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Things I Plan On Eliminating From My Life When I Turn 30

- Alcoholism (although it was fun while it lasted) -Credit Card Debt (even more fun while it lasted) -Reading PerezHilton (I assume old people read People.com?) -Sleepovers with girlfriends (I went to one in 2009 and spent the entire night wishing I could just put in my mouth guard and watch Chronicle) -My collection of InTouch Weekly. (Some people [...]

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When Did We Stop Being Allowed To Say What We Want To Say, Regardless Of Whether It Is Nice Or Not?

I use John Mayer, not because I AGREE with him in anyway. Because I don’t. But I use him as an example, mainly because he, like many others, has been punished because he spoke to the Rolling Stone interviewer, as though they were just two buddies, hanging out in a house. Alone. He made some mean, [...]

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Commercials: Unfriendly to the Unmarried?

My boyfriend brought home a Men’s Health magazine the other day. Now as much as I don’t need to know the latest neck exercise or 109 ways to do a pull up…I still find reading through men’s magazines to be an interesting perspective into the ‘other’ world.  In fact sometimes I want to know why [...]

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The iPad …Any Leaks?

Now I understand that the people working for Apple have one too many ‘MBA’ graduates working on their side and with all that ‘advanced’ old-man thinking one might wonder….was it really necessary to title their new invention the ‘iPAD’? Were there no other names available at the time? How about iSlate? iTablet? iTab? iPage? Ok, so I get it. Fine. [...]

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The Art of NOT Shaving

It has been three days to be exact that I have not even picked up the razor. Not my arms, not my legs, not my, eer, other places. Nothing. And frankly, it is starting to feel damn good. I was feeling the dry skin just dusting off my legs last week, when all I could think [...]

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The Bachelor: This Season’s 25 Most Desperate Women In America

It is not as though I don’t believe in love at first site. In fact I am sure there are millions of happy couples out there who could prove me wrong, that all it takes is a glance and you “know”. But for 25 desperate women to fly in from all across America to meet one [...]

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A Young Urbanite’s Wish List

In thinking of Holiday gifts this year, I understand, that in regards to the Naughty or Nice list, I probably should be receiving more than my fair share of coal (Has coal gone up a few cents a barrel? Comparable with gold yet? No? Damnit.). I have been whiny, needy, moody…I complain more than I praise [...]

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Oh Harriet Carter, You Have Done It Again

In case you were wondering what I want for the Holidays, well look no further -   Sleeping Pet Actually “Breathes” SLEEPING PUPPY is the next best thing to owning a real four-legged friend! Adorable, lifelike plush pup actually “breathes” and gently snores like a real dog. I couldn’t think of anything I would want more then the [...]

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Oh, Just Out Running Errands

  This is J Lo. Jennifer Lopez for the older crowd here. She is out, running errands. Now pardon me, but I feel like something is missing from this photograph….something missing…hmmm her skeletal husband? No, that’s not it. Her babies? No, that isn’s it either. Let me think…. Oh, right…sweatpants! For the love of all that is holy, where the hell [...]

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Wholesome Emails I Receive

From: Blessing Morris Date: Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 5:40 AM Subject: Hello!! Hello!! Greetings to you, am miss Blessing a girl of 24yrs old, I hope this mail will find you well & healthy and I hope we can established a relationship since we are meeting here for the first time, I have gone through a profile  that [...]

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