SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Considering a Career Change

So, by now I assume you’ve gathered that I’m not 100% satisfied with my career. I’m more like 50%. On a good day. So I guess 30% would be more accurate. Regardless, I’ve been trying to come up with alternate career options for a while now, because the thought of doing what I am doing [...]

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Food for Thought

I’m the kinda gal who always assumes the worst. If you don’t show up on time, I assume your car crashed into a tree and you’re unconscious in a ditch, or that you decided all of a sudden that you hated me and were never going to speak to me again (ahem, Alex the cop) [...]

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The Reason You Should NOT Be Nice to People

When I was walking home from the Sephora in my neighborhood on Saturday, a youngish woman stopped me and asked me if I knew of a place close by to buy a blender. I directed her to the nearest Bed Bath & Beyond, when she, for reasons unknown, started to tell me all about how [...]

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The Best Job in the World

Back in the day, way too many years ago, I had the best job in the world. I didn’t know, or appreciate, it at the the time, but when I was 15 and 16 I worked at Carvel and over the years it’s become painstakingly clear that this was and probably will be the best [...]

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Drama at the Gym

I was at the gym earlier this evening, in the middle of my routine, when this tiny young lady trainer disrupted my groove. Here’s what happened . . . . I had just finished working out my glutes and quads and was headed over to the free weight area to work on my triceps, so that [...]

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Couples I Could do Without

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I thought I would get in the spirit of things with a post about those happy, loving couples that I can’t stand. Let’s begin with my all-time least favorite, the couple everyone loves to hate . . . . Angelina “Homewrecker” Jolie and Brad Pitt. I hate them because I [...]

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Forest Hills State of Mind

I’ve lived in the Forest Hills/Rego Park area for about six years and, for the most part, I’ve enjoyed it. Sure, I could do without the dog shit ALL OVER the sidewalk, and it might be nice to have just one neighbor who spoke English and wasn’t afraid of me and Boyfriend, but it’s my [...]

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The Case For a 3-Day Weekend

If you’re like me, you tipped your hat off to Martin Luther King Jr. on Monday and thanked him for the day off. If not, well then that really sucks for you and you should put in a complaint with your company’s HR department. Three-day weekends are amazing. In fact, I’ve been trying (in my [...]

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The Fame Monster

Has anyone picked up on the Lady Gaga theme I have going on lately? I swear it’s not intentional. Fame. Everyone wants it, but few will ever posses it. But I guess in today’s world where anyone who is either slutty, crazy, desperate, rich or any combination of those can get their own reality show, it’s [...]

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Bad Romance

A friend of mine just shared an awful, but hilarious, story about a recent date she went on and because it is so funny, and awful, I thought I would share, so I’ve copied it below for all of you to enjoy. When reading this story please keep in mind a few things: My friend is [...]

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