SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Is it Ok for Women to Pee Outdoors?

Along with those tough questions in life like, “Does GOD exist?” or “Are we here as a result of evolution or Adam and Eve?” or “Why do young famous people keep dying?” or “Is Sarah Palin’s slutty daughter really trying to open her own PR firm?,” is another unanswered age-old question that plagues me: Is [...]

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Just a Quick Note to All Those Who Use Facebook

Happy New Year to you all! Here’s hoping that 2010 is happy, healthy, wealthy and a lot better than 2009, which I thought was kinda crappy. As we enter into this new year,  I think we all need to take a good, long, hard look at our lives and make some important changes, beginning with our [...]

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Married to The Job

This past Sunday, Boyfriend received a scolding e-mail from his boss, which I found ludicrous. In this e-mail, which he was reading on his Droid, which he was required to get when taking on this job, asking why he had not replied to an e-mail from their client that was sent earlier in the weekend. [...]

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For the Love of God, Take a Sick Day

This past weekend, I came down with a vicious cold. And I don’t just mean you’re usual run-of-the-mill cold either. I’m talking swine flu-like symptoms cold . . . or what I would imagine having the swine flu would be like if I ever had it or knew anyone who did. My nose was like [...]

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Thank You, MTA

In case you haven’t already heard, the MTA has decided to make commuters’ lives more hellish. As if being crammed into a a dirty subway car filled with vile strangers leaning all over you every morning isn’t bad enough, they have now decided to cut service. Starting in the spring, you can kiss the W [...]

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Man Cave

Has anyone heard of the ridiculous concept of a ”man cave”? Until I met Boyfriend, I never had before. But he quickly filled me in and informed me, almost immediately after we started to get serious, that he plans to have one.   For those who aren’t aware, a man cave is a room where a “man can be [...]

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Why Tiger Woods’ Private Life is My Business

By now you’ve no doubt heard about about a little scandal involving Tiger Woods that keeps getting weirder with each passing day. First he was in a car accident, and somewhere along the way his wife beat him with a golf club (strange), and then we discovered she did this because he was cheating (understandable). [...]

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Santa Claus: Jolly, Generous Man or Dirty Drunk in Disguise?

Unless you’ve been living in a turkey-induced coma over the past several days, you’ve surely noticed that Christmas is upon us. The lights are shining, the annoying Christmas music is on the radio and Christmas specials featuring Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang are on the TV schedule. But with Christmas also comes the invasion [...]

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Another Cheesy Thanksgiving Post

Remember last Thanksgiving when I wrote a post about people who should be more thankful? Well, GOOD NEWS! This year I wrote another cheesy Thanksgiving-related post, but this year it’s all about me (something new and different). Many of my posts consists of me bitching about all the things that I don’t like about life, like [...]

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Dear Starbucks,

Seasons Greetings! There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, and it has gone overlooked and ignored for far too long. Why does Starbucks have the worst employees ever?? They’re forgetful (I’ve often received the wrong order, or just never received my orderer at all because a Starbucks employee “forgot” it.), and they’re slow as [...]

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