SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Why Tiger Woods’ Private Life is My Business

By now you’ve no doubt heard about about a little scandal involving Tiger Woods that keeps getting weirder with each passing day. First he was in a car accident, and somewhere along the way his wife beat him with a golf club (strange), and then we discovered she did this because he was cheating (understandable). [...]

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Kiss and Tell

At 1:00 p.m. this afternoon I sat alone in The Womb, the cozy corner cubicle I share with my coworker, Sushi Girl. Headphones on, I’d tuned out the office–the irregular hums and whirs of desktop computers, the low buzz of fluorescent lights, the small bits of conversation that travel out of context. I was listening [...]

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New Gloom: Why Dating a “Twilight” Vampire Might Be Bloody Awful

Everyone is in a frenzy over the upcoming premiere of “New Moon,” the second installment of the “Twilight” saga. This week, New York Magazine features an article about “Twilight”-obsessed moms. AT&T, Burger King, and Volvo have all tapped into the madness, offering all kinds of merchandise, from ring tones to water bottles to the chance [...]

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He Said / She Said: Diamond Rings

In a recent post on The Frisky, the topic of engagement rings was debated. One man argued that it doesn’t make sense to give a woman an expensive engagement ring. Instead, he says, the money should be used for something efficient like a down payment on a house. Besides, the diamond market is a monopoly. On the [...]

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The Clueless Girlfriend: Are You Really Wearing Those Boots?

I saw them coming down the street about two blocks before we actually came face to face. It was well-dressed girl and her boyfriend. And by “well-dressed” I mean she looked put together, and “uncomfortable”. This is not the only occurrence of a well-dressed girl and her man that I have seen in the past [...]

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Revelations in Dealing with Men

I’m at dinner with a girlfriend of mine gabbing away about our love lives and soliciting one another for advice. It’s your typical retarded, over-analytical conversation of ‘do you think when he said X, he really meant Y?’ or ‘when he did Q it was actually a metaphor for Z?’ and ‘when he failed to [...]

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The Bad Girl’s Guide to Being Good

Ever notice all the articles and books out there advising supposed good girls on how to be bad. Psh! Who needs a guide for that? Most girls are bad (in a good way of course) anyway, and what we really need is some guidance on how to maintain our inner badness (yes, I invented a [...]

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The Clueless Girlfriend : Paranormal Activity

“So Paranormal Activity plays today down the street. What movie time do you want to go to, the 12:10 or the 12:40?” I just sort of pretended to ignore him. I was actually getting really good at that. Listening, but not really listening, responding, but not really responding. So I did a bit of a grunt. [...]

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It’s Just Me, Myself, and I (Part II)

Yesterday, I began sharing my struggle to come to terms with being single. I’m not one of those people that always needs a boyfriend. On the contrary, the greater part of my young adult to adult life has been a romantic dry spell. My latest fling looked like an oasis, but turned out to be [...]

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It’s Just Me, Myself, and I (Part I)

I feel a bit foolish. For the majority of the summer, my posts have been plagued with the angst-ridden tone of a scorned lover (for proof, look no further than exhibit A | B | C). Logically, my Man-made break-up with Jake wasn’t that big of a deal. We weren’t even an official item–more like [...]

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