SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

The Reason You Should NOT Be Nice to People

When I was walking home from the Sephora in my neighborhood on Saturday, a youngish woman stopped me and asked me if I knew of a place close by to buy a blender. I directed her to the nearest Bed Bath & Beyond, when she, for reasons unknown, started to tell me all about how [...]

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Sun Dance, Deals, Hat Hair

With New York’s fast pace making me feel more insane than usual, I jumped at the opportunity to escape to the snowy mountains of Park City, Utah for this year’s Sundance Film Festival and festivities. As I packed my thermals, Polartec, wool sweaters and huge robotic-like ski gloves, I was seriously excited to be somewhere [...]

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Married to The Job

This past Sunday, Boyfriend received a scolding e-mail from his boss, which I found ludicrous. In this e-mail, which he was reading on his Droid, which he was required to get when taking on this job, asking why he had not replied to an e-mail from their client that was sent earlier in the weekend. [...]

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Thank You, MTA

In case you haven’t already heard, the MTA has decided to make commuters’ lives more hellish. As if being crammed into a a dirty subway car filled with vile strangers leaning all over you every morning isn’t bad enough, they have now decided to cut service. Starting in the spring, you can kiss the W [...]

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Not So Ladylike

You gotta love New York. Bright lights, fame, fashion and jazz hands. The city has it all. And all includes crazy women on the subway. Scary? A little. Amusing? Definitely. So I guess it balances itself out.   Today’s subject: Crazy lady I was squished next to on the V train home this evening.   Let me begin by [...]

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Idiots Prepping for Australia

I’ve never been to Australia, but apparently a lot of morons are planning to go. These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) Was just too good [...]

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If I Could Turn Back Time

Everyone has at least one thing in their past that they regret. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying. In fact, they probably have the most to hide. Anyway, I have always tried to live by the mantra, “we can’t change the past so there’s no use in dwelling on it,” but wouldn’t it [...]

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Holy Experiences and Puppets

So the modern world and I broke up for two weeks this summer. Those weeks in August when I was MIA? I was in India with no phone, no twitter, tumblr, internet or facebook. It was GREAT. Since my return, I’ve been doing what other people call “processing” the trip in the hopes of being able [...]

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How to Behave Badly, but Never do the Walk of Shame Again

A valued friend recently enlightened me on how to permanently avoid performing the walk of shame in one small, simple, user-friendly step. No this isn’t an infomercial and no, it doesn’t involve sobriety, responsibility, a buddy-system or locking yourself in your room. For those of you who’ve been living underground, the ‘walk of shame’ is a [...]

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Worst. Day. Ever.

Yesterday was by far, the worst day ever. Wellllllllll maybe not the worst ever, but pretty damn close. It began like any other day. My alarm went off at 6:15 a.m. and I hopped in the shower, full of hope and promise for the day to come. And then it went downhill from there . [...]

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