Carrie: “I spent forty thousand dollars on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoe.”

There comes the time in every (late) 20-something’s life when they are supposed to take a certain amount of their income and apply it to their “savings” account. 

What I would like to know however, is what are these ‘alleged’ savings accounts? Who has opened one of these accounts? Does money actually go in there? And if so, how does the money stay in there and not get spent?

Recently my boyfriend and I have been toying with the idea of how much purchasing a new home would cost. Now, seeing as how I currently drop $2000 a month on city rent without blinking an eye, I figured a mortgage couldn’t be much worse.

Turns out there is one catch… You actually have to ‘put down a payment’ to obtain a mortgage. This is called, “a down payment”. Fuckers.
 

Speaking with a real estate agent recently, she explained to me the best option is to put a higher down payment, which will in turn reduce monthly mortgage costs.

“In the range of 7 to 10 percent.” She said, drinking her wine casually.

“TEN PERCENT?!” I responded, choking on my PBR.

 So let’s see here, to get a “modest” home outside the city is roughly $300,000….which would mean I would need a down payment of …. $30,000!! WHAT?! How is that even possible?! Someone please tell me I am doing the math wrong.

Unless you have a trust fund, marry rich, or prostitute yourself (best option), how on earth do people come up with that kind of cash?

Let’s say I start saving my money today and put $1000 a month into a savings account, it would still take me over two and a half years to come up with the down payment. And more importantly, by that time how would I buy the necessities of life? Necessities such as fancy IPod covers? Sweaters I will only wear once? And ten-dollar-an-ounce parmesan cheese blocks?  

I have a friend, who at 25 years old, has over $14,000 in the bank. (process that in your head for a moment)

Sista could buy out Old Navy…. and still have $13,900 in the bank.

I asked her how she came to save so much money in so little time out of school and her answer was fairly simple, “I just didn’t buy anything.”

 
Bitch.

I keep telling myself, maybe her parents paid her rent…or she came upon a very lucrative Pirate’s map?

Unless you have been living at home with your parents (Mr. & Mrs. Welch) how on earth is it possible to save so much friggen money? I have read all the Suzy Orman books and most of the time she is telling me the same thing, “Stop spending, start saving.”

Well apparently Suzy doesn’t live right down the street from a $12 cocktail-hour-special.

Now let’s say we work with money I actually have and put down a reasonable payment of $5,000. That means I am going to need to be looking at $50,000 homes. Which is perfect considering I always wanted to live in a Porta Potty.

Maybe I could even find a discounted Porta Potty home and add-on a closet or small sundeck. “Can you bring the wine outside? Yes, it is right next to the …toilet.”  “Sure we have crackers…right on top of the toilet.”

But don’t worry, I have actually come up with a brilliant plan. I plan on purchasing a fancy SUV in the next month. That way, when I finally realize I cannot afford a big house, at least I have a pull-out leather seats to sleep on.

Beat that Suzy.

Goldy and Mark discuss a charity event they hosted.

Join award-winning writer and filmmaker Mark L. Feinsod and his friend Goldy as they talk about various issues concerning New York and discuss the ways in which the city is so great, weird, wonderful, exciting and funny. Available for streaming or via iTunes.

You can contact How to Do Nothing without Really Trying at podcast@feinsodville.com.

Note: Please feel free to subscribe in iTunes. If you do, please write a review and rate us as it helps other people to find us. Thanks, and happy listening.

Mark and Goldy talk about massages.

Join award-winning writer and filmmaker Mark L. Feinsod and his friend Goldy as they talk about various issues concerning New York and discuss the ways in which the city is so great, weird, wonderful, exciting and funny. Available for streaming or via iTunes.

You can contact How to Do Nothing without Really Trying at podcast@feinsodville.com.

Note: Please feel free to subscribe in iTunes. If you do, please write a review and rate us as it helps other people to find us. Thanks, and happy listening.