SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Holy Experiences and Puppets

So the modern world and I broke up for two weeks this summer. Those weeks in August when I was MIA? I was in India with no phone, no twitter, tumblr, internet or facebook. It was GREAT. Since my return, I’ve been doing what other people call “processing” the trip in the hopes of being able [...]

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Gone in 60 Seconds

When I wrote about my first date with Marquee a few weeks ago, I failed to mention that I returned to the club the very next night. My pride only just got out of rehab. This time, I was there for another event. I’ll be honest: I don’t even know what the specifics were–only that it [...]

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Voting, Whoooo!

OK, confession. I voted last election, yet today when I entered my polling booth after surviving a verrry long line, I had no idea what to do. There were so many levers! I felt like I was in front of a crane-operating machine. I glance at restaurant menus multiple times just to locate which section is [...]

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Meet Mr. West

I hid my head in a hole during fashion week and one of the many things I missed was the opening of new nightlife locale Mr. West on 22nd and 11th ave. Their claim to fame is hosting Zac Posen’s party post runway show. In traditional New York style, the place [...]

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Orgasmic Shopping

It’s a common presumption that New York has the best shopping in the world and therefore anyone who lives in Manhattan is constantly toting around Bendels bags and chic-ed out to the max. What they forget is that we’re also working our guts out to afford our astronomical New York rent while still [...]

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Biker Chick

The problem with childhood is that children have zero appreciation for it. So yesterday, as an adult, I fulfilled a childhood-like dream. I bought a bicycle. No, it doesn’t have streamers. Or training wheels. Or a basket (yet!). I’ve wanted a bike in New York for as long as I can remember, but negative [...]

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Bumping into Batali

Last night, my girlfriend and I stood on the corner of 17th and Irving arguing about whether we’d have better success picking up non-douchey men who didn’t frequent clubs at The W or at 3rd Avenue bars. Unexpectedly, the tables turned and we found ourselves being picked up by a group of boisterous [...]

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Summer Fun Reflection

Today I woke up legitimately fatigued. Every bone in my body felt like it’d been broken and loosely put back together. I felt like I’d gone through some sort of human paper shredder, survived a journey through a juicer. Then I realized why: I’m jogging through that home stretch in the marathon that is New [...]

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Being a Toddler in the Grey Goose Mansion

For me, time spent in the Hamptons remains a Zen-like exercise in coping with unpredictability. Unless you’re traveling with your own set of wheels, you rarely have any say in where you go, what you do, or when you do it. You start to feel like those chubby, clueless toddlers strapped in rear facing car [...]

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Hamptons: A One Year Reflection

Exactly one year ago, I voyaged to the Hamptons for the very first time. The experience was not…how to put it kindly…a positive. Full article and excerpts here The story I wrote ends with me taking a jitney back to NYC before my scheduled departure in an effort to save my soul. I’ve clearly learned nothing however, [...]

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