SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Couples I Could do Without

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I thought I would get in the spirit of things with a post about those happy, loving couples that I can’t stand. Let’s begin with my all-time least favorite, the couple everyone loves to hate . . . . Angelina “Homewrecker” Jolie and Brad Pitt. I hate them because I [...]

Continue reading...

Oh, Just Out Running Errands

  This is J Lo. Jennifer Lopez for the older crowd here. She is out, running errands. Now pardon me, but I feel like something is missing from this photograph….something missing…hmmm her skeletal husband? No, that’s not it. Her babies? No, that isn’s it either. Let me think…. Oh, right…sweatpants! For the love of all that is holy, where the hell [...]

Continue reading...

Why Tiger Woods’ Private Life is My Business

By now you’ve no doubt heard about about a little scandal involving Tiger Woods that keeps getting weirder with each passing day. First he was in a car accident, and somewhere along the way his wife beat him with a golf club (strange), and then we discovered she did this because he was cheating (understandable). [...]

Continue reading...

Celebrity Serial Killer

Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, Gale Storm (don’t worry, I didn’t know who she was either before I IMD’b her ass) and now Steve McNair ( I didn’t put the lovely Farrah in this list because she died a very sad death from a cancer that was incurable). That’s a lot of deaths in [...]

Continue reading...

Oh Dear Sweet Lord Christ in Heaven!

Oh sweet dear Jesus Joseph and Mary Magdalene…. WE GET IT KATE…WE GET IT… YOU ARE STILL HUMP-ABLE… WE. GET. IT. …Now go put on a friggen burka like the rest of the nice moms out there.

Continue reading...

Kate Gosslein…has…children? Wait, what?!

So apparently this woman above, Kate Gosslein,  “alledegly” has children….seriously, like lots of them. Like at least five or ten or something. Wait, am I staring at the right body here? Am I missing something here? Is this a trick mirror ? And get this..not only does she “have children” but she also apparently feeds them, and [...]

Continue reading...

What a Woman Wants

This one is for the fellas. Ok guys, I know you’ve been thinking for a while, “Subway Gal is so wise. When will she tell us the secrets for bagging the woman of our dreams?” Well guys, wonder no more! Today, I am going to share with you a few (but not all) secrets about what [...]

Continue reading...

Blogger Mafia: You Hit Us, We Shoot You.

So here is the thing.  Let me be humble. More than humble actually. Humble and sweet as a kitten jumping on rainbows in a cotton Downy-Bear outfit. You know that fake number you have in your head right now about how many readers are reading this site and this specific blog to be exact? Well take that number…and multiply it… [...]

Continue reading...

If I Were An Advice Columnist Take 2!

Since my first column worked out so well (well, in my mind at least), I thought I’d continue to help people and try it again. Here’s the latest call for help I received . . . Dear, Subway Gal. I have a problem. I’m a 16 year-old girl who pretty much has it all. I mean, I [...]

Continue reading...

My case for the legalization of MARIJUANA

That’s right. I’m going there. I, like many others, think that MARIJUANA SHOULD BE LEGALIZED. And if not legalized, then at least not penalized for smoking. It could be something that the cops just look the other way at, like when they spot a white guy attacking a black guy. When you really think about [...]

Continue reading...