SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Love…Just Around the Corner

Ever think about how your perfect match could be that attractive guy whose armpit you’ve been thrust up against on an overcrowded subway car, but you’ll never know? No? Me neither. But people who watch too many Meg Ryan movies seem to be particular fans of this serendipitous ‘star crossed lovers’ view of romance. In those films, [...]

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Extreme Paranoia

My mind works in mysterious, often frightening, ways. Case in point: I am extremely paranoid. If someone is supposed to meet me somewhere at a certain time and they are late, I start to call their cell phone. Incessantly. And if they don’t answer, I automatically assume the worst. The person was in a car accident! [...]

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Textual Relationships

On my list of things that need to stop, right up there with ‘spitting’ and ‘toothpaste residue in the sink,’ sits the textual relationship. An occasional, ‘Hi you,’ or ‘Thinking of you,’ text is okay coming from your boyfriend or someone you’re in a pseudo-relationship with. What’s not okay is texting with no specific purpose other [...]

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Text Message Etiquette

Back in the early 21st century, nerds, techies and business people in an office somewhere developed texting as a way to add an additional feature to their cellular gadgets and make more money for their primary shareholders to bathe in. I doubt they had any idea they were creating a new art form (the texted [...]

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The Party Planner

At a common friend of ours’ house a few weeks ago, Mr. T somehow cajoled me into throwing another party at his house. Cajoled? Who am I kidding? I love the party spotlight, but New York house party planning is a big responsibility – a task I felt up to in the dog days of July over [...]

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True Love

Boyfriend, lover, pet or best friend letting you down? Not to worry, as all these emotional relationships can be successfully replaced by the shiny delightfulness that is an Apple iPhone. I used to make fun of people who had iPhone’s for sport. Especially when they first came out and people paid $600 plus to be among the [...]

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Day Light Savings and Dangerous Obsessions

This Sunday I got to be the moron who fails to properly adjust to daylight savings. What’s amusing is that this didn’t occur because I was unaware of the switch. On the contrary, I was hyper aware of the switch and therefore naturally got confused in my own vast, muddled, seriously math-challenged brain. Sunday morning I [...]

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My Milanese Life Obliterated: Part II

So a twelve-year-old Calabrese girl is now the proud owner of my Milanese life. Yep. Here’s the story. I searched the city for a TIM store (TIM is an Italian cell service provider like Cingular) that was open during the national vacation month of August. I finally found one thanks to tricky directions from a [...]

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My Milanese Life Obliterated

Reentering the city of Milan never fails to make me emotionally unstable. I go hot and cold on this city like a menopausal woman on drugs. New York and I have clean, adult relationship with one another. Open communication. A stable living situation. Work. Independence. Contained craziness. Reasonable expectations. Good things. With Milan on the [...]

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