SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Dressing Like a Dude

About a year ago, I wrote an article called Be Ugly in which I discussed my revelation that I could actually go through life, perhaps more successfully, by nixing any and all efforts to look nice and girly. This discovery has subsequently saved me hundreds of dollars at clothing stores, Sephora as well as unfortunate [...]

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The Job Interview

Just to update everyone on my constantly changing and ever-so-exciting life, I am still unemployed, and still feeling, looking, and behaving like a lump of mashed potatoes. However, there have been some positive developments in the form of job interviews. I had one last Monday for a receptionist position, and I was contacted today for [...]

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Deep Thoughts by Subway Gal

Today, as I struggled to pull on the jeans that Santa brought me, I wondered how the hell the jeans that fit me like a dream when I tried them on in the store last month could be causing me such trouble now. Could it be the pint of frozen yogurt I inhaled last night? [...]

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Facts: I Can’t Dress Myself

This is a fact that I’m not proud of, but it’s no secret that I am absolutely and pathetically clueless when it comes to dressing myself. It’s not a secret because everyone can see me walking around looking like that loser kid from high school tech theater who might’ve been borderline autistic and frequently wore socks on [...]

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Swap Meat

Okay, so maybe swapping meat isn’t the best idea, what with E. Coli and expiration dates and all (unless you like to spend your weekends in Fire Island, and want to swap that kind of “meat”.) So instead, here’s a better idea that I didn’t even come up with: swapping clothes with your friends! …Unless you’re [...]

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