SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

What Happened to Common Courtesy??

As my regular readers have probably picked up on by now, I have a lot to say about other people’s rude/obnoxious/incompetent/disgusting behavior and today is no exception, because today I tackle the topic of “common courtesy” and what the hell has happened to it. And I’m not talking about people who aren’t courteous on the [...]

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Sick and Tired of Being Sick!

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling sick all, miserable, winter long. And even though it’s technically spring, although you wouldn’t know it from all the frigid air and snow, I’m still sick. I’ve battled colds, coughs, allergy attacks, canker sores, muscle pains, and swollen glands that, up until yesterday, I thought was [...]

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New York Stunnedlist > Manhattan > Dissed Connections

Saw you in Duane Reade - w4m - East Village Yesterday morning, around 9:30, you were standing in front of me in the line. I was admiring your skinny jeans on your hipster frame and wondering if you were wearing a flannel under your coat. I love a man in flannel. I’d come in to dear old [...]

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I’m Over It

You know what…it’s Friday…and I am over it. I am also over a few other things that have been on my mind…   I’M OVER: Pretending that Crest Whitening strips don’t burn the top of my gums like they were set on fire by a zip lighter. The smell of my kitty’s tuna dinners…if my baby likes shrimp and salmon, [...]

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Love in the Genes

Getting romantically involved with someone new, no matter how much time you take to get to know them or how many investigative background checks you run, is always a leap of faith. Regardless of the internet stalking you’ve accomplished or exes you’ve interviewed, once you admit to liking someone back everything will change – and [...]

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How To Stock a Bar, The Advanced Manual

It’s common fact that a house party is only as good as its bar. It’s also a common fact that your house party will continue as long as liquor in any form is present. Mathematical equation: Party longevity is in direct correlation with your liquor stash. The above photo is noteworthy because it represents the most stocked, [...]

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Betty Might Not Like This

Today I was in Duane Reade, where I spend most of my disposable time, and came across an interesting product in the haircare aisle. Actually, this was not the first time I had noticed this product, but it was the first time I thought something should be said about it. And lo and behold, I [...]

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What’s Up Down There

I made it a special point to TiVo Ms. Banks’ ‘Va-jay-jay’ episode of her Oprah-like talk show ‘Tyra,’ figuring it would be such a goldmine of hilarity that I’d have enough material to mock for weeks. The show didn’t disappoint. Tyra created this special va-jay-jay episode because she feels women need to have a ‘vagina dialogue.’ According [...]

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Sharing and Caring

Whether you’ve entered into the ominous ‘live-in’ relationship or on what I call ‘the cheater’s live-in relationship’ i.e. the long distance relationship, where you cohabitate during prescheduled visiting hours, you and your significant other will inevitably be forced to partake in some kindergarten-spirited sharing. Since you’re most likely fantasizing about how yummy your significant other [...]

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Recent Discoveries

#1 I was lucky enough to have dinner at Morimoto two nights ago, which is a highly regarded Iron Chef restaurant in Chelsea. It’s also one of those obscenely expensive be-seen places where the food is supposed to be worth every penny and the ambiance is supposed to blow your overburdened Manhattan mind. I’m often cautious [...]

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