SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Another Cheesy Thanksgiving Post

Remember last Thanksgiving when I wrote a post about people who should be more thankful? Well, GOOD NEWS! This year I wrote another cheesy Thanksgiving-related post, but this year it’s all about me (something new and different). Many of my posts consists of me bitching about all the things that I don’t like about life, like [...]

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Strange Dreams Dissected

Last night/this morning I had some very strange dreams. I’m not really sure what provoked such strangeness, except that maybe it was the high-quality Beringer’s white merlot (did you know such a thing existed?!) I drank before bed. Anyway, the dreams went something like this . . . I’m on line at a grocery store with [...]

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Stickergate

So get this. I have this friend, let’s call her, Anna. A few weeks ago, Anna was on a relaxing beach vacation with her family: parents, aunts, cousins, the whole gang. Including her brother and her brother’s wife, who we will refer to as Carrie. To get to the beach, Anna rode down in a car [...]

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A Meeting of the Families

The date was September 2007 (give or take six months), the air was warm and breezy, but that particular morning there was a certain chill in the air. For that day, the two families, my whole family and my boyfriend’s mom, were about to meet for the very  first time. My boyfriend’s mom had slept over [...]

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The Perfect Father’s Day Gift for Dad: Strippers!

I’m minding my own business when I get an email from Kari Feinstein PR agency in regards to Father’s Day (which will be here before you know it folks, so prepare - Sunday June 21) subject heading: “Father’s Day Ideas Dad Will LOVE!!!!!!” Because my dad’s the absolute greatest, I open the email immediately. I find [...]

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The Persecution of Subway Gal

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there! I spent the day with my fam traveling to Jersey to see one grandmother, and down to LI to see the other grandma. During the course of out travels we shared several meals with grandmas, aunts, uncles and cousins around the dinner table, and it was during [...]

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Freedom of speech?

I remember when I was about 10 years-old and driving in the car with my mom on our way home from visiting some of her relatives in New Jersey (I know, I know, don’t hold that against me) when I said, “It was really fun seeing Aunt Tina, mom. Hey mom, do you know the [...]

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Conversations I Fantasize About Having with Family Members

Me: What are your thoughts on Miley Cyrus? 11 Year Old Cousin: You mean Hannah Montana? Me: Whatever. 11 Year Old Cousin: She sucks and is an embarrassment to young females of my generation. Me: Yes, I agree. 11 Year Old Cousin: Yeah, she sucks major donkey balls. Me: Totes for real. 11 Year Old Cousin: LOL. Me: Did you just say “LOL”? 11 Year Old Cousin: I meant it ironically. Me: Good. Me: Hi Grandpa, how are [...]

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Family on the Tinternet

It’s finally Sunday, thank God!! I don’t know about most people, but this is just now capping off the 10 days of Christmas celebrated in my family…. or as I like to call it, The Christmas That Just Won’t Die, starring me and Daniel Craig standing around awkwardly in big holiday-themed sweaters. Now I can [...]

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