SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Hideous Neanderthal Holiday Jewelry

I’ll never forget when I started complaining to a friend about the amount of crap I receive in my inbox from Urban Daddy. “It’s like, all the time,” I whined. She returned my anger with a quizzical look and said: “Yeah, dude. They email you daily. It’s a daily mailing.” Well, that explained why I felt constantly [...]

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Me, Attempting to Read a Girl Mag

As a product of my generation, I prefer to read everything digitally on the net or on a small cell phone screen rather than physically bring dust-collecting paper into my teeny, tiny NYC apartment. The idea of buying books or magazines is ludicrous. However there is one magazine I really enjoy (no, I’m NOT telling, [...]

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The Clueless Girlfriend: Are You Really Wearing Those Boots?

I saw them coming down the street about two blocks before we actually came face to face. It was well-dressed girl and her boyfriend. And by “well-dressed” I mean she looked put together, and “uncomfortable”. This is not the only occurrence of a well-dressed girl and her man that I have seen in the past [...]

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Anna Wintour’s Daughter Bee Shaffer: Actually Not A Waste Of Space

When you think ’Anna Wintour’ one might conjure images of assistants bleeding to death in the bottom of a coat closet…or possibly small rabbits being skinned and eaten alive on a plate made by Wedgwood. Now if you were to think of what kind of daughter such an anomaly like Anna Wintour might produce, you might [...]

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Re: Inappropriate Gym Attire

Remember reading my “Inappropriate Gym Attire” post last year? If not, I highly recommend it. It’s very funny. However, one of our selfabsorbed.me readers recently read the post and did not feel the same way. In fact, she was downright angry with me for writing it. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, [...]

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Are you there, Ralph Lauren? It’s me, Bartok.

Today a post from the lovely Bartok: I was perusing my salemail (ShopItToMe) today, an activity that has become only more enjoyable with the plummeting prices of luxury items. The global economic slump has companies upping their sale percentages, meaning that I am upping my shopping. While I find something a little disheartening and maybe even [...]

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Six Daze of the Week

I’m pleased. The above picture–a stunning portrait of the floor of my room–perfectly captures the disorder and distraction that defined this week. Using the same structure as my previous six-word by six-subject stories, I humbly present my week in review (minus Sunday, the day of rest, which is always spent idly): a series of events that [...]

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Two Positives from Fashion Week

My friend called me at some point last week screaming something along the lines of: “I just tried to go ice skating at Bryant Park and there are tents and anorexic waifs everywhere. What the *&^$ is going on?” The answer: Fashion Week. Everyone I ask claims it’s only twice a year for seven days but that’s a [...]

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Spring Fling

New York weather: I hate you.  Last week you’re all, “Ooh come on outside, it’s warm and sunny. I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level and go on picnics and give you flowers. What? Winter? Oh, yeah, I’m really sorry about that. I was just depressed about the economy, I didn’t mean to [...]

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Cruel Fashion Absurdity: Why Can’t I Just Have What I Want?

My benevolent aunt visits me last week deciding that she wants to spend her soon-to-be-devalued (because our economy barely functions) American Express points at Bloomingdales to buy me some new stylish boots. I guess my Ugg imitation formerly-black (now grey) moccasins were a cry for help. One would think this would be a happy story. WRONG. Instead, it epitomizes [...]

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