SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Life according to plan

I know this may come to a shock to some of you (those  who don’t have the good fortune of knowing me intimately), but I am a just a tad neurotic. Well, that may be a bit of understatement. I’m actually pretty neurotic, bordering on full-blown OCD. But it’s really not as bad as it [...]

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Raped by the U.S. Government

This past weekend, as I was happily going about my business, getting ready for the movies, I received a most disturbing phone call from my accountant. He effectively ruined my day with one simple phrase, “you owe money on your taxes.” I dropped the phone. Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! I never owe money on my taxes! In [...]

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He’s Just Not That Into You

Today I went to the movies with my (straight, believe it or not) best guy friend and we saw “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Despite the cheesy endings, overall, I really liked the movie. We had some great laughs at Ginnifer Goodwin’s expense as her cute, but unlucky in love, character broke all the [...]

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“Faking It” to Your Advantage

So by now you’ve probably all surmised that I’m a bit of a basketcase. In fact, you’re probably wondering how I manage to hold down a job, a boyfriend and care for two adorable cats. Well, I’ll tell you all my secret for making it appear like I am keeping it all together, with a [...]

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A Job I Could Love

Lately, I’ve been wondering about work. Things like, does anyone really love their job? How can we learn to love our job? Why must we work? What does it all mean? Well, after thinking about it for about two days, I have no answers. I do however have some new, exciting potential career ideas for [...]

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National Stalker Awareness Month

Apparently, January was National Stalker Awareness Month. Unfortunately, I just found that out this afternoon from one of my coworkers (don’t ask me how she knew this). This makes me sad because I’m a stalking expert (just ask anyone who went to college with me), and had I known there was a whole month dedicated [...]

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Extreme Paranoia

My mind works in mysterious, often frightening, ways. Case in point: I am extremely paranoid. If someone is supposed to meet me somewhere at a certain time and they are late, I start to call their cell phone. Incessantly. And if they don’t answer, I automatically assume the worst. The person was in a car accident! [...]

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Childhood Skills I Am Not Utilizing

Childhood Skills I Am Not Utilizing 1- Lip-syncing AT camp every year we would have a lip-sync-dance-off-extravaganza …and damnit-all if I wasn’t Sandy in every single Grease remix…and let me tell you,  I had serious some lip syncing talent. I could do it well enough to dance and fake-sing at the same time, as well as [...]

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We’re Not Crazy, We’re Just Passionate

Last week I was speaking with a male co-worker of mine who mentioned that he and his girlfriend had recently broken up. When I inquired as to the reason why, he said it was because she was “crazy.” He didn’t explain why she was supposedly crazy, and I didn’t ask. She may actually have really [...]

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The friendship double-standard, or what I like to call, “Frias.”

There was a girl who used to be my best friend in college and in the years that followed. She was the girl who knew everything about me.  We totally understood each other - we knew it was ok to read your boyfriend’s e-mail, and poke holes in the tires of your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s [...]

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