SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Bad Habits

I know that many of you are under the impression that I’m perfect, or pretty close to it, but, believe it or not, I do have a few bad habits. For instance, I’m a perpetual nail biter. I don’t mean to be, I don’t even want to be, but it seems to be a bad [...]

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Post Hamptons Depression

I just completed something I hadn’t partaken in since before Memorial Day – a weekend in Manhattan. I woke up on Saturday morning surprisingly rested and began getting ready for work. If I were in my apartment it had to be a weekday, right? Wrong. I came face to face with the reality that despite the humidity, [...]

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Summer Fun Reflection

Today I woke up legitimately fatigued. Every bone in my body felt like it’d been broken and loosely put back together. I felt like I’d gone through some sort of human paper shredder, survived a journey through a juicer. Then I realized why: I’m jogging through that home stretch in the marathon that is New [...]

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Pondering Paris

I was bouncing around pretending to drink, attempting to navigate another Saturday night out at Lily Pond in East Hampton when a girl from my house intentionally bumped her head into mine to whisper: “Have you seen her? Paris Hilton’s here.” My first reaction to a comment like this is always silently negative, “Great, now we have [...]

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Jitney Travel: What to Expect in the Bus and the Rest of America

Definition: The Hampton Jitney is a for profit bus company based in Southampton, NY.The company runs three primary routes from the East End of Long Island (The Hamptons and the North Fork) to New York City, as well as charter services. My Goal: To avoid it all summer by bumming rides off everyone I know. Outcome: [...]

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Holy Couches!

When I go to a nightclub, especially a Hamptons nightclub, I’m not expecting refinement. I’m not anticipating costumer service or comfort or access to the bathroom. I’m pretty much prepared to be trapped in a body lock between those two crazy Swedish girls prostituting themselves, inhaling the stench of cigarettes, fresh vomit and weed. Often, [...]

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Adventures in Hamptons Crashing

Driving in a Hamptons-style overloaded car, we were cruising between Fourth of July parties when the entire backseat shrilly screamed “Breaaak!” No, a deer or rodent hadn’t scurried under our tires. No, a tree wasn’t tumbling onto our windshield. Our GPS had navigated us though a South Hamptons back road that was lined with cars [...]

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Being a Toddler in the Grey Goose Mansion

For me, time spent in the Hamptons remains a Zen-like exercise in coping with unpredictability. Unless you’re traveling with your own set of wheels, you rarely have any say in where you go, what you do, or when you do it. You start to feel like those chubby, clueless toddlers strapped in rear facing car [...]

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Fourth of July Funnies: Day 1

Thursday. It came so fast I don’t think anyone was truly ready for it. Even the most professional organizers don’t have much experience dealing with 3-day weekend scenarios in which Friday’s the day off. So after countless emails and what felt like hundreds of debates via MSN, someone in my Hamptons crew made the executive [...]

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Mentally, It’s Already the Fourth

Does this flyer make anyone else feel epileptic? And crazy? Come to find out, the only thing more disorienting than swirling pink elephants is adding stars and stripes to the mix. Below is a photo I took to capture an occurrence rarer than a solar eclipse: an area of open space in Dune’s notoriously [...]

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