SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

My New Reason for Living

So today I came into work and immediately g-chatted my best friend: ‘I’d like a reminder of what I’m living for. The promise of happiness? Peace? Money? Anything…?’ Yes, I was in one of those moods. I knew it was bad when I collided with a stranger late night exiting the subway and his words to me were, [...]

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New Take on Party “Animal”?

As if the giant pink elephant that runs around Pink wasn’t enough, we now have a giant pink pig in tighty-whities invading NYC nightlife. What will promotional agencies with access to full-body rental costumes think up next? Last night at Todd English’s Juliet Supper Club in Chelsea, the pink pig landed. Naturally, crowds gathered and models (probably [...]

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Meditation Madness

In my probably futile quest to become a ‘more centered,’ ‘better’ person (someone who doesn’t play games, excessively party or make fun of others) I’ve done what everyone else has: Taken up mediation and yoga. I’ve written about my experiences failing to do a headstand and my profound annoyance at needy chicks who waste enlightened [...]

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Unemployeds Get ‘Creative’!

People are getting fired right and left. They need jobs! I know it! Hell, we have thirty- year-olds with law degrees applying to be unpaid interns for this site, which has yet to even break a profit or even advertise a need for help. So you know the situation out there is desperate. And what [...]

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Fake? And I Don’t Mean The Boobage

Ok so this is a wax figure right? This is in Times Square where people get to take photos and stand next to the porn star with their mom in one hand and a Kodak Easy Share in the other…yes? What do you mean this photo is real? Those are real people standing there? But their skin is so [...]

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Live Blogging a NYC Move

7pm – Arrive home from work to find your formerly sexy apartment has been transformed into visual depression. Ugly moving boxes you stole off the street are stacked up to your ears and half a decade of souvenirs, memorabilia, take-out menus and unpacked pots and pans are strewn throughout, as if placed by a hurricane. [...]

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The Early Midlife Crisis

Ever waken up from a traumatized sleep to realize what you spend $160,000 getting a college education in perhaps doesn’t interest you at all? And your job seems more like a waste of time designed only to test your ability to refrain from physically attacking people? A place where you enjoy spending time in the [...]

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Life according to plan

I know this may come to a shock to some of you (those  who don’t have the good fortune of knowing me intimately), but I am a just a tad neurotic. Well, that may be a bit of understatement. I’m actually pretty neurotic, bordering on full-blown OCD. But it’s really not as bad as it [...]

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Men: Insane?

Now I know a lot of my male readers aren’t going to like the title of this post, but there’s something 100% whacky going on. I don’t know if it’s the recession, the month of February, mid-winter illness or Valentine’s Day, but it seems the males my friends and I know are ‘invaded-by-pod-people’-level off their [...]

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Macao and the Magic Wand

This weekend I discovered the Holy Grail of New York venues and instantly managed to make a fool of myself there. That part’s coming soon. First, the Holy Grail qualities of this establishment are: a) not ridiculously pretentious…yet b) serving absinthe c) walking distance from my house People should really only drink absinthe when walking distance from where they live since the [...]

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